I'm on a boat!

I am writing this from the Viking Line ferry to Turku. Despite my doubts, the check-in and payment was straightforward. The boat itself is pretty nice, and my fears that choosing the cheapest cabin option, and therefore having to sleep with some strangers, seem to be unfounded. I still think the amount of hassle required to book this trip was not reasonable, but I'm glad today was trouble-free.
In 7 hours I will be in Turku! Technically we're still in Sweden right now, but I'm exhausted so I'm going to change my clock and go to bed soon. I've heard a lot of Finnish spoken in the last 3.5 hours, and surprisingly, I can recognise a lot of words and semi-understand, which is nice. I'm
I'm so happy I could cry. I can't wait to get there. I've thought about things tonight, and I realise I understood Finland in a way I don't understand Sweden. Finland is still my home from home, and I can't believe I've been away for over two years. I'm so excited to get there and see my friends!
I've regularly thought that I was much more integrated in Finland, purely because there's less immigration, so almost all of my friends were Finnish, compared to the majority of my friends in Stockholm also being from other countries. It was easier to learn the Finnish way than it has been to learn the Swedish way. My friends in Stockholm are awesome, and I wouldn't have them any other way, but when I moved to Sweden I assumed I'd eventually end up with a group of Swedish friends and I'd be the odd one out. I was wrong.
So far the highlight of my trip, 4 hours in, was getting the Finnish singer in the bar to sing "Olen Suomalainen". He did it and he was pretty good. But I'm sure I have better moments to come in the next few days. I've been tired all week, so despite not having the nicest cabin I think I'm quite ready for bed. Goodnight everyone!

More banking and bitching

Seriously, I hate banking in this country. I genuinely hate it. I had to go to the bank during my lunch break to pay my rent, and just the thought of going there filled me with dread.
And of course, it's not like in England or Finland where I'd go to the counter with my account details, my landlord's account details, and they'd just make a transfer. I had to fill out one slip to withdraw the money from my account, and another to put it into his account. Having never done this before it was a bit confusing and the staff in the bank were not particularly helpful.
The best (or worst) part of it, was that one member of staff told me they usually charge a fee to make such a transaction in a branch - I'm starting to wonder why they actually bother to have branches at all, when most are open for 3 or 4 hours a day, and only one SEB branch in all of Stockholm actually handles cash - but they could waive it as it was the first time I'd made the transaction so I obviously didn't know. I told them I don't have a choice seeing as I'm not allowed online banking due to the personnummer issue. At that point the man in the bank said they'd waive it this time, and then told me things would be a lot easier for me if I got a personnummer. My only reaction to that is:

Because obviously I'm being treated as a second class citizen through choice!

This brings me neatly on to the next subject - I'm leaving! I'm going back to the motherland next month, I feel like I'm ready and happy to go now. There are various reasons for this, but feeling that I cannot be treated like everyone else for no good reason is a significant factor. It is sad in some ways, and I definitely like Stockholm and will still visit in the future, but I feel like this experience has run its course for me. I've got a month left, and I'll make the most of it, starting with going to Turku tonight! I'm still slightly paranoid that Viking Line will screw up my booking somehow - I've been obsessively checking the booking on their website to make sure it hasn't mysteriously disappeared. So far so good, but until I'm checked in at the harbour in a few hours I'll still have some worry in my mind. I'm so excited though, despite that fact that one of my friends got his days confused, and called me about 5 times at 7am this morning because he was at the harbour in Turku waiting for me! I'm so happy to be going back for a few days, it doesn't feel quite real.

As well as banking being unfathomable to me, last night I discovered another strange part of living in Sweden. My friend and I went for a couple of drinks at Mosebacke Terrace, which is really lovely with beautiful views of Stockholm, especially now when the sun is going down so late. It turns out that it's not allowed here to drink outside after 10.30pm - we were surprised that the outdoor bars shut down after 10pm, and at around 10.30 they started to take away unfinished drinks, although it was an option to finish them inside. It was getting chilly so we went home anyway, but it was quite a surprise. What a view though.

Happy National Day!

Happy National Day! I'm not doing anything more exciting today than going to the pub, so please enjoy this photo from national day last year, taken at the royal palace, where there were free tours, and the option to dress up and have your photo taken. I think that was aimed more at the children but that didn't stop me and Heli!
Today is actually the day last year, whilst I was on holiday, that I realised I wanted to move here. It was the start of a big adventure, and here I am, I've made it. I'm happy to have had this experience.
This week of anniversaries has had a couple of coincidences, because last night I went to Trädgården, which was also where I spent the night before National Day last year. Lessons were learned from the two hours we spent queuing to get in last year, and we went early. If you haven't been to Trädgården I highly recommend it - I wish there was somewhere similar in London. It's under a bridge, with music, various bars, artwork and graffiti, a restaurant, and a small grill selling burgers. It's only open in the summer because hanging out outside in winter would be ridiculous, but it's a cool venue and the people there are pretty diverse, including plenty of typical Södermalm people. Perhaps next summer I'll have to visit Stockholm at the same time to ensure I'm there on 5th June, as apparently that's my tradition now. It's a really unique venue, and definitely a fun place to go out.

One year ago today...

One year ago today, and I can't believe that already it's so long ago, I came to Sweden to visit Heli, as part of a two week European tour visiting Stockholm, Amsterdam, Barcelona, and a failed trip to Andorra. A year ago if you'd told me that now I'd have been working full time in Stockholm for several months, that I'd live in a part of southern Stockholm I'd never even heard of at that point, I'd have a Swedish phone number and bank account, and would be semi-fluent in Swedish I'd think it was ridiculous! A year ago I went alone to a supermarket here to buy something to eat, and had to look at products with Finnish text on the packaging to be sure of what it was! A year ago I asked Heli to write down for me the Swedish for asking someone if they spoke English, and it took a couple of days of encouraging myself before I even managed to say those three words!

A year ago I was a bit fed up and frustrated with London, and decided a holiday would do me some good and get it out of my system. I didn't expect the opposite effect. I'd thought of how one day moving to Stockholm might be nice, but was not taking the idea seriously at all. I just expected to have a nice few days with my friend here before moving on. But over a few days, starting with National Day, which is this Saturday, I decided that actually I really wanted to come here. And why wait? I felt there was no reason that I had to live in London or England. And by the time I left Stockholm for Amsterdam I was heartbroken to be leaving, and was determined to be back soon. Here I am still.

Things have certainly not gone quite to plan. I rushed, thinking I knew it all about emigrating because I managed in Finland, didn't give myself enough time, and left in September after a few weeks because I really wasn't happy without my boyfriend. I didn't expect to go back to England for a few months, and it was frustrating at the time, but actually it was also a really happy time that I'm glad I experienced.

This time round has not been without problems, but has definitely been more successful. As my boyfriend pointed out yesterday, I have managed. I have made a life. I have a house, a job, and many more friends in Stockholm than I had a year ago. I know more than I did a year ago. It's not been easy all the time, but I've learned a lot.

I'm starting to feel quite ready to leave Stockholm now. It's a beautiful place, and I think an experience like this is always valuable, but Stockholm isn't the one for me. I would certainly still visit in the future, there are many people and places here that I want to see again. I have no definite plans for when I will leave, but I know I don't want to stay here long term. Just like in September, I'm not as happy as I could or should be.

It's strange to think that a year has passed since this all really began. And actually I think that the last year has been one of the most exciting and special years in my life, despite the ups and downs, for both reasons relating to Stockholm and reasons relating to other things. It's not been perfect, I'm not happy all the time, but it could certainly be worse. I'm not sure how much more time I have here, but I'll be sure to appreciate the time I do have until it's over.

The light burns!

Spring has certainly sprung in Stockholm! The photo was taken a couple of days ago at 10pm, and earlier this week I was woken up by daylight at 3am. I'm now making use of both blinds and curtains to block the light out.
Of course I remember similar things happening during the summer in Turku, but I don't remember it being quite so dramatic. Someone mentioned to me that Turku is on the edge of another time zone, I'm not sure if that makes any difference. I remember last summer when I visited Stockholm seeing the sun rise at 3am, and next week will be a year since that trip, so maybe I shouldn't be quite so astounded by it. But when I was here in September the daylight hours were shorter, and now I've seen the transition from winter when it was very dark for most of the day.
Unfortunately the change in light levels has disturbed my sleeping patterns a bit, and other people have also mentioned having trouble sleeping this week. Thankfully I now seem to be getting back to normal.
Due to the arrival of spring I've noticed more and more how the wildlife in Stockholm seems completely unfazed by the presence of humans. It's so normal to walk straight past small birds, getting very close to them, and they don't even seem to notice. In the winter I saw the occasional wild rabbit running around, but recently I've been seeing a lot, and although they are slightly more nervous than birds they also seem quite undisturbed by the presence of humans. In fact, I went to the park last Sunday with some friends for a drawing session, and there were quite a few rabbits running around. It was a beautiful warm day so the park was quite busy, but they were running around past groups of people with no care at all. I also saw a very sweet little boy chasing after a rabbit for quite some time - the rabbit could run much faster than he could.
This is quite alien to me as I'm used to being in London - I've seen a much bigger variety of birds here, and the rabbits are certainly new for me. In London you get the odd fox, and sometimes the soul destroying sound of foxes having sex, but that's pretty much it. I think the rabbits are nicer than the foxes anyway.

Super amazing news!

I have some wonderful, joyful news! After an absence of almost 3 years, which I can't quite believe, I am going to Turku! In just over two weeks I'll be getting the ferry to Finland for a few days, and I really am so happy. I had had it in the back of my mind since I got to Stockholm that I should travel there, but hadn't got to it. Then I had a message on Friday from one of my Finnish friends asking when I would come back, and now it's happening! I really hope it hasn't changed too much, my friend Emmi who I met in Turku but now lives in England goes back to see her family now and then, and has mentioned some things about it to me, but I really cannot wait to be back there myself.

However, I must say that my first experience booking with Viking Line has been fairly ridiculous - much more hassle than it needs to be, and both Finnish and Swedish friends who I've asked have told me that they also think the website is terrible.

It's not user friendly - the Swedish site is only available in Swedish, which is ok, but if I'm spending money I often prefer to use a website in English so I have no doubt over what I'm doing. I certainly don't think that services in this country should have to be available in English, and I've been critical of others I've met who expect this. Anyway, I spent all of yesterday attempting to buy tickets, using two different computers, my phone, two different cards - both of which had sufficient funds to make payment, and only ever received error messages. I thought it might be my error as I'd been providing my Swedish address, but my cards are registered to my parents' address in England. I tried their address, that didn't work either! Something that should be so easy was causing me so much stress.

This morning I called their customer service team to try to make the purchase over the phone. The lady I spoke to was helpful, but once she'd made a booking for me she instructed me to go to their website to make payment, which was the problem in the first place! She then tried to make a payment over the phone, the card still didn't work! Maybe their system dislikes cards from outside of Sweden, but I told her it was a UK card and she didn't mention that they didn't accept this. They make reference on their website to ID requirements for non-Nordic citizens, and I would think that for people who are travelling using the ferry would be quite a good option, so I really don't see why a card from another country should cause such problems. 

After payment failed yet again she advised me that I could pay when I check in, and just needed to take my booking number. This is fine for me, but as this has been such a hassle so far I'm anxious that something else will go wrong and my booking will mysteriously go missing or something like that. In fact, I will need to call them again anyway, as when I entered my booking number and name into the website to check that everything was correct the message advised that the name did not match the booking number. I appreciate that my name is unusual for English people, let alone a Swedish person, and the lady I spoke to probably just misheard me or made a typo, but the whole thing is not filling me with confidence.

So in conclusion I'm very happy to be going back to Turku after quite some time, I really cannot wait to see my friends there again, but I'm not impressed at all with Viking Line, to the point that last night I wrote my first complaint in Swedish. Hopefully it sounded as effective in Swedish as in English, and hopefully my trip will actually be straightforward once I've solved the issue of what name they put on my booking. However, if there's a next time I think I'll use a different service, especially as no one seems to have good things to say about booking with Viking Line.

Buying cigarettes

So just now I bought cigarettes in a supermarket for the first time, and I have to say it is a very strange process, the strangest I have come across. Up until now I have bought cigarettes and tobacco over the counter, as I am used to, in Pressbyrån or Svensk Tobak och Spel. I just came home to find that Pressbyrån was already shut, so I went to ICA to buy some cigarettes.

I had noticed before that over the tills there is a shelf of cards that look like the front of cigarette packets. I assumed that you chose the right card and the person on the till then gave you the correct cigarettes. That's not too complicated. Wrong!

So you choose your card, which is scanned and paid for. You then go over to another machine, scan the card, and are given your cigarettes. However, I thought you just needed the receipt so I was furiously trying to shove my receipt into the machine and getting nowhere. Just as the truth dawned on me and I was about to go back to the till, the member of staff who served me came over with the card and helped me.

I really do think that this country has a tendency to over-complicate things. In England you would go to the kiosk in the supermarket to get cigarettes. In Finland there is a machine by the conveyor belt of the till where you select the correct brand, it spits it onto the conveyor belt, and you pay for it with the rest of your shopping. When I lived in Finland the brands were shown on the machine, but a few months afterwards they banned this, considering it a form of advertisement, and just showing numbers instead. So unless you really knew the machine you had to ask for the correct number, or play cigarette roulette. Now I know that in Sweden I need to take the card with me, and once you've scanned it you can recycle it at the machine. But still, I find this very strange.

Alcohol

I've been back from London for almost a week now. It was a bit depressing that when I left England the sky was blue with no clouds, and I then landed in Västerås to some quite depressing weather. Thankfully now it seems to be back to sunny weather here.

Today is the most important day of the year - Eurovision! I'm looking forward to it, but disappointed that Finland is not in the final because I always vote for them on principle. I'm having a small party tonight, and that meant that today it was time for my very first trip to Systembolaget! Systembolaget is the Swedish alcohol retailer, very similar to Alko in Finland. Although Sweden does not have the same restrictions as Finland in terms of only being able to buy alcohol during certain hours, it is more strict in that only light beer can be sold in supermarkets, so to buy full strength beer you need to go to Systembolaget. I don't have alcohol in the house that often, and even then I don't mind having lighter beer, so it's never come up to go to Systembolaget before.

The opening hours are a bit annoying - at weekends it's between 10am and 3pm. I was only buying a few drinks, but everyone else seemed to have baskets absolutely full of drinks. As the hours are inconvenient, and maybe it's not open on Sundays, I suppose people need to stock up.

Supermarkets usually just sell a basic range of domestic beers, and I was impressed by the variety in Systembolaget, with drinks from a lot of different countries. I went for Belgian fruit beer, and English Brewdog beer.

That brings me nicely to the next alcohol related point. My colleague and I have been a couple of times this week to the Brewdog bar in Fridhemsplan. Brewdog is one of my favourite bars in London, so I was very happy when I found out there was a bar here too. It's certainly not disappointed me - I can buy my favourite beer, it looks a lot like the bar in Camden, which I didn't have a chance to go to last week, and is generally quite comfortable. It's another of those little pockets of English in Stockholm - the staff are English and Swedish, depending on who you speak to they may automatically speak in either Swedish or English, the menu etc is in English, and I had a very nice chat with one of their staff who turned out to be from Norwich. As it's already one of my favourite bars in London I think it has now automatically become one of my favourite bars in Stockholm.

And to end on a European theme because it's Eurovision day - my workplace has the flags of the member states in our auditorium, and I noticed that the flags of the UK, Finland, and Sweden were conveniently grouped together. So yesterday, at the end of a very busy week, I could be found fannying around with the flags of the three countries that are most significant for me. Enjoy!

Good/bad/beautiful day

Tomorrow I'm off to London! I'm quite excited to go home for a few days and see my friends. I had today off as well, and it was overall a nice day, but as always, not without its ups and downs.

The good news - I went to SEB and managed to open a bank account! Now that I've got into the banking system here I have to say I find it absolutely bizarre. In fact, whilst many things here are not what I'm used to, this is the first thing I've found completely impossible to understand.

First off, I was confused by the fact that the nearest branch to me in Globen was only open for 3 hours every day. Nevertheless, off I went, and when I explained that I just want to receive my wages and pay my rent the nice man at the bank asked me how I'd get the rent money into my new bank account. I said I would get it from the ATM and put it in the account so the payment could be made, which seemed fairly obvious. He then told me that only one branch in Stockholm handles cash! But it's a bank!

Anyway, the one and only branch that handles cash is in Sergels Torg, and as I had planned to go to an exhibition at Kulturhuset anyway it was no bother really to go there as well so I opened the account. Incidentally, the nice man told me that his best friend is English and he thinks it's sad how much foreign people struggle here. He told me to keep aiming for that personnummer and things will be much easier. It's nice to know that the average Swedish person agrees that things are unreasonably difficult for those who had the misfortune to be born abroad.

The other odd thing about banking in Sweden is that there is no standard system for generating account numbers. Each bank has their own system. I was wondering why my landlord's bank account number is twice as long as mine, and upon googling how the number should look I found that every bank has their own system. You might get to understand what your own bank does, but for other banks it's guesswork. I find this completely baffling. 

Then my day took a turn for the worse. I went to Sergels Torg, and knowing that the maximum amount you can withdraw from an ATM is 2000kr, I planned to use an ATM a few times to get enough for my rent, and a bit extra for when my bank card arrives. It should be here once I get back from London. Sadly it was not to be. It seems 2000kr is the maximum I can take per day, maybe partly because I'm withdrawing from an overseas account. So I never actually got to the Sergels Torg branch, and still had to pay my rent with ridiculous fees from my UK account. My war with them about the fees is ongoing, but at least now my wages will come into my Swedish account and I can save a little more. It's still frustrating, but I know I've made a small amount of progress.

I felt sorry for myself for a bit, and then went on to Kulturhuset. I have to say I really like it there, and really enjoy their exhibitions. I'm also able to see exhibitions there for free - I'm 25 years old, and those aged 25 and under go for free. I happen to look a bit younger than I really am, and every time I've told staff I'm 25 and asked to go in for free they've never asked for proof, so I'm probably going to be 25 years old for a while.

The current show is called "Asylum", and exhibits both art and fashion pieces. The theme seems fairly tentative in places, but there's a lot of interesting work there, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the mix of contemporary and older work, and there was work from less famous names, but also artists such as Salvador Dali. It's a really mixed show. The media is also very mixed - film, fashion, and sculpture. It's pretty broad so I think most people could take something from it, and for this reason I would recommend it.

After seeing the show I had some time to kill before going to the pub, so I went to the library and looked at the art section. I hadn't looked at this before, but I thought it was great. They have books in a variety of languages, there are comfortable places to sit, and they have a good range of books on art, fashion, photography, and design. I spent a while flicking through a really nice book about shoe design, it was quiet and peaceful, and I recommend it as a place to fill a bit of time.

So apart from one blip I had a pleasant day off work, and I'm looking forward to going on holiday tomorrow. It's getting late and I still need to pack my suitcase!

Thank you SEB!

It looks like my personal banking crisis may soon be over! I've just had a very welcome email from SEB's non-resident branch, and they've advised that if I am paying tax in this country and just want a basic bank account with a card and online banking I can open one at any regular SEB branch! Success! So I will be taking this email and all the evidence I have that I'm a tax payer, and opening an account on Monday. I'm very pleased, and hopefully this will save me some money.
Still no reply from my UK bank regarding their charges, but it's one less thing to worry about.

Something slightly different

So I've still not hear from either SEB or my UK bank, which is disappointing on both counts. SEB have a dedicated international branch, and as I now have Monday off work ahead of my holiday, but will be in Stockholm still, I should be able to physically go to the bank and get some advice. My bank in England advised it can take up to 5 working days for them to respond. Bearing in mind that there was a UK bank holiday this week, that gives them until Monday to respond to me. I'm travelling on Tuesday, which means they have until Wednesday morning to respond. If not, they'll find me in one of their branches on Wednesday, and they'll be looking at the business end of a very big complaint. Especially seeing as I'll have to pay my rent and be subjected to their huge charges in the meantime.

But never mind that for now. I'd like to concentrate on another new experience I've had since I came to Stockholm, and something that plays a big part in what my life is like here. My job.

Since February I've worked for the European Union. That's new, and the public sector in general is new for me. I realised yesterday that sometimes my workplace feels like a little parallel universe in the center of Stockholm. Compared to living in Finland, I have a much more international circle of friends and acquaintances here. On the one hand I'd like to meet more Swedish people and find it easier to learn about Swedish culture and traditions, but on the other I think it's lovely to meet people from so many backgrounds, and to not feel at all intimidated by people from cultures that are different to my own. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that mindset. My boyfriend is half Japanese and half German, I am English, and I am proud that our future children will never be ignorant about different cultures.

I've always said that Stockholm reminds me of London in that there is such a diverse mix of people, and when you're in public you can hear so many different languages being spoken, not just Swedish. The feeling that you can get anything or do anything in London, however obscure it may be, is one of the reasons I like it so much, and why I think of it as my home, even though I'm not originally from there. Stockholm is like a smaller, quieter version of that.

People from all over Europe, and the world, work at the same place as me. Throughout the day, even in just one room, you can hear multiple languages. We tell each other about strange things from our countries. As we are in Sweden, Sweden is better represented amongst the staff than any other nation, but overall the majority of staff are not Swedish. Many have worked at more than one EU agency, so a lot of people have moved around a lot. The way of thinking about the world seems to be a bit different. Commuting between countries, having long distance relationships, or living in a different country to your children or family is quite normal, As is a term I quite like, being a "love refugee" - someone who moved to Sweden for the sake of their Swedish partner.

We're in Sweden, so we'll take any opportunity for fika, but the components of our fika cross borders. Today for example we sat around a table filled with Turkish Delight, chocolate from Greece and Denmark, Dutch butterscotch, and German teabags amongst other things, whilst talking about house prices in the UK, Sweden, and Bulgaria. Every day I hear different accents and unfamiliar sounding names. It's not perfect - at the end of the day it's still a day job, not the thing I care about most. I don't bounce out of bed every morning super excited to go to work. But it could be so much worse, and I'm really grateful that I can meet and get to know such a diverse range of people.

I was asked today what I thought about the election. I'm not a political person at all. This was the first time that I actually had the good intentions of voting, just to count as a vote against UKIP and the Conservatives. I assumed I could vote at an embassy, like pretty much every other person I can think of who lives away from their country, but no. When I wanted to register as an overseas voter I had to choose either a postal or proxy vote. Both involved sending an application form to London. My family live far away from where I'm currently registered to vote, so I couldn't think of someone I trusted to vote by proxy for me. I don't see why I should have to pay international postage on an application form and the vote itself, when that is my right anyway, and didn't trust a postal vote not to go wrong. Surprise surprise, an English person I know living in Finland had problems with her postal vote, so my suspicions were correct. I haven't ruled out that it was intentionally made difficult for overseas voters, and in the end it was too much hassle for me. We'll find out tomorrow, but I hope that the people who were able to vote have done the right thing, and not voted for certain parties are racist or intolerant. I know it's a complicated issue, and I know that not everyone has good intentions, but my recent experiences have confirmed in my mind even more that integration between cultures is something enriching, that we should be thankful for.

Successful Valborg weekend

I've really enjoyed the bank holiday weekend. Even though I had Friday off work it doesn't stop me being a bit jealous of everyone in England having tomorrow off whilst I have to go back to work. I've mentioned previously how I struggle to balance everything in my life, and I think it's especially difficult in a new country when there's much more to take in. I'm really happy that this weekend I've been able to get lots of creative stuff done. It really frustrates me when I can't get on with the work I need to do. Exhibiting is less of a priority for me right now, I'm more concerned with actually producing work, so I'm really happy that there's been plenty of time for that this weekend.
On Friday I finally finished a piece of work that I've been doing for a while, and it was so satisfying to get it done. Then today I attended a meeting of a drawing group where we played some drawing games and worked on our own pieces. It wasn't quite what I was expecting - people who had an art education and who worked at this professionally were in the minority - but it was enjoyable.

The image shows a game I particularly enjoyed where everyone wrote a word in their language - except I had to go for Finnish as the other three languages I speak were all spoken within the group - we then chose a piece of paper at random and worked from that. I was quite lucky as I chose a Swedish word that I'm not familiar with - skorstensrök - so I also learned a new Swedish word today. It actually means chimney smoke, but the sound of it made me think of scars and rocks, so I drew something intended to look like a jagged and and scarred rock or cliff. By coincidence it also turned out to look quite smoky. It was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon, and I have a similar event coming up in a few weeks with a slightly different target audience, so I'm looking forward to that.

Aside from these activities this weekend has been pleasant. I went out with my friends on Friday night and had some well deserved drinks after the stress I've had this week. It also became quite clear that spring has arrived in Stockholm - I woke up at 5am this morning to find that it was daylight, but somehow I doubt this'll make it any easier to get up for work in the mornings. And lastly, this evening I was chatting to my landlord, who is currently living in Spain, and I mentioned to him the huge fees I get charged by my bank when I pay my rent to him. He was shocked, and told me that for transfers between EU countries it is not allowed to charge more than you'd be charged for transfers within one country. He told me that he doesn't get charged for transferring between his Swedish and Spanish bank accounts. I understand that a small part of the fees I pay are for currency conversion, but this really is a small part of the fee, and I have certainly never paid fees to transfer money to different banks within the UK. I googled this, and found the EU website, which says exactly the same as he did. He suggested I take this up with my bank and I certainly intend to, even if I have to do it in person when I'm on holiday. I'm not going to assume that the bank will do anything about this, but it's certainly worth looking into further.

I don't want to spoil my good mood with worrying, so to end on a happy note, here's a picture of me and my lovely international family on Friday night. The family that dances around like drunken morons together stays together.

Valborg and a glimmer of hope

With the banking situation there is a small glimmer of hope. I looked at ICA Banken, which predictably did not offer an account without providing a personnummer, However, I came across a page (in English even!) on the SEB website about private non-resident bank accounts. There was an email address for enquiries, so I contacted them to see if they can offer something in my circumstances. They have a dedicated branch in Stockholm for non-resident accounts, and although the information on their website is quite limited I really hope it'll be a suitable option for me. It takes a couple of days to get a response, and today is a bank holiday, so hopefully I'll get a reply next week. I knew nothing about SEB and had never considered them, but my housemate told me they have a pretty good reputation.

If they cannot do anything for me then I suppose unfortunately I'll just have to accept these stupid charges from my bank in England, but that's not something I'll be doing happily, and will really be a big factor counting against me living in Sweden. It's really not unusual anymore for people to move between different countries and have interests away from their home countries, so I really don't know why the authorities can't collectively make it easier for people. As much as some people might not like it, immigration and globalisation is a thing.

The last couple of days have not been very nice, and I really can't promise right now how long I will stay in these circumstances. I'm feeling quite depressed. It's just over a week now until my holiday to London, and I think whilst I'm there I'll be seeing how it feels to be back and having a little think about the future.

   

On a slightly more pleasant note, today is May Day, and last night my housemates and I went to see the Valborg bonfire near to our house. This is also a holiday in Finland, but I missed it because I went on holiday to Norway at the time. In Sweden bonfires are traditionally lit to keep away bad spirits, and now it's officially spring. Although the sky looks suspiciously grey outside. The bonfire wasn't the most exciting thing in the world - it was basically that and some food stands in a field, but my housemates said it's more for the children and that the suburban ones like this aren't that big a deal. Still, I enjoyed being able to experience something from Swedish culture. I feel I'm a bit more detached from Swedish culture than I was from Finnish culture in Finland, mainly because my friends here are quite mixed, not just Swedish, and so there's less of an influence on me. It's kind of a shame, as I do want to learn and understand more here, so I'm glad I had the chance to see it, even if it wasn't the greatest spectacle.
Now it's a day off from work, which is something I certainly can appreciate, and I'm looking forward to going out tonight. I've definitely earned a few (many) drinks this week.

If Sweden was my boyfriend

Krakow was an experience. Mainly I was working, so there wasn't much of a chance to really explore, but being in a country that is completely alien to me made me realise that Sweden is becoming quite comfortable for me now. Every day I'm surrounded by a foreign language, but it's one that I understand, and it felt strange to see a foreign language everywhere that I couldn't even begin to understand. Obviously it's been a learning process to understand this country, and I'm quite sure I've only reached the tip of the iceberg, but this was the point that I realised how much things here have started to make sense to me, and become the "normal" way for me. But now onto an aspect of living here that I really cannot make sense of, and that really is making me question more and more why I'm here.

I don't actually have a bank account in Sweden. In January I was waiting to get a job and get established here, in February I was waiting for a personnummer, in March I had some personal matters to deal with that were more of a priority, and for much of this month I believed I would be leaving soon, thus making it a waste of time to go and open an account. Having decided that I will stay longer, today after work I finally made the effort to go to Handelsbanken. I chose Handelsbanken specifically because numerous sources, including the bank themselves, state that they offer a non-resident bank account. I'm not sure how that's different to any other bank account, but due to not being able to get a personnummer it's really the only option for getting an account in this country in my current circumstances.

So in I go, armed with ID, copies of payslips, my work contract etc, and immediately I'm shut down and told that they don't offer that service. I asked why their own website, plus numerous other sources, claims that they do if they don't. The gentleman at the bank didn't have an answer for that. He told me there have to be exceptional circumstances, or they have to have an existing agreement with my employer, which of course they don't. I suggested they get someone to have a look at the information they're giving out. He suggested I try ICA Banken. I walked outside and burst into tears.

You may ask why having a bank account in Sweden is such a big deal, let alone something to bring me to tears in the middle of the street, especially when my employer has been happily paying my wages into my UK account all this time. I'm losing money just by being here. Every financial transaction I make comes with a fee. My bank casually takes £6 from my wages every month for accepting foreign money, which is a tiny percentage of the wages, but obviously it adds up over time. Worst of all is that when I pay rent to my landlord, who obviously does have a Swedish bank account, my bank charges me an extra £30, which is a significant addition to the rent.

But this is just one part of a bigger problem. Sweden has no respect for me. Sweden is happy to take from me but gives me nothing back. Sweden makes me feel like I'm not a real person. Every time I think things are going well Sweden takes my hope away. Sweden isn't satisfied no matter what I do. I have a sneaking suspicion that Sweden probably doesn't want me around at all. If Sweden was my boyfriend everyone I knew would be telling me to leave.

I am not, and never have been, an idle person. Coming to this country, my intention was always to find a job, contribute, and basically do all the things that any normal, productive member of society does, the same things I have done throughout my adult life. I worked hard to find a job, and a month to the day since I arrived in this country I was starting a new job. I believe that some of this was down to being in the right place at the right time, but I worked hard to find a job, and other people have been uniformly impressed with the speed in which I started working here, and then found a stable place to live. I like my house and my job, and on the surface I probably appear to be very settled. 

Having a personnummer is the key to everything here. Having found a job, everything I knew suggested that I could then get a personnummer, and then get all the other things like a bank account set up. We know how that turned out, and it became clear in my dealings with Skatteverket that the information you get really depends on who you speak to and what the weather is like that day. Not wanting to recognise me as a resident of this country certainly doesn't mean the government is going to let me keep my money, of course not. I'm not entitled to even join a gym here, but I still get a third of my money taken away in taxes, to pay for the royal wedding amongst other things. I'm very much entitled to pay taxes to Sweden, but that's about the only thing I'm entitled to. Every time there seems to be some way to make my life easier, for example opening a non-resident bank account, the door gets slammed in my face once again, and I'm sick of it. 

I can't help but compare this experience to when I lived in Finland. It's now been about four months, and at this point when I was in Finland I had both a bank account and a social security number, and I gained those things through having a one month part time work contract. Now I've been working full time for three months, and I'm entitled to bugger all. When talking about these problems to Swedish people, I've mentioned how in Finland my employer could only pay into a Finnish account. There was a delay at Maistraati in providing me with a social security number, but they'd confirmed I was entitled to one and would receive one, so my friend took me to the bank and we explained the circumstances. It was no trouble at all, they opened an account for me with a generic number, and told me to come back and let them know my real social security number once I had it. I never actually remembered to go back and tell them. Swedish people laugh their heads off at the idea of such a thing happening in a Swedish bank. And to prove the point, the very first question I was asked today, even after specifying that I'd like a non-resident account, was "Can I see your personnummer?" 

I haven't been to Finland in a while, so I can't say for sure how the situation is these days, but from what I know immigration levels are much lower there than in Sweden. When I lived there everyone I knew, except for one person, was Finnish. I was the novelty act because I was foreign. Attitudes to immigrants, even white European ones like me, were not always tolerant. At the time I felt like the authorities might be deliberately making things difficult. Now the way Finland treated me seems like a dream. If I had had the job I have now in Finland I wouldn't have had a care in the world.

I'm sick of basic things being huge struggles. I'm sick of feeling like nobody cares, nobody wants to help, like whatever direction I go in it still leads to nothing. I'm sick of losing money through necessary transactions like getting paid and paying my rent. I've done everything right, and I've not asked for anything except to be treated like everyone else. And it just makes me think more and more, why am I actually bothering? I could move back to London and get treated like a real human being. There are issues in my personal life that make living in England again a good option, and the way I'm treated by the authorities here does nothing to discourage me. I spend more and more time feeling frustrated and unhappy, and I can't help but feel that I deserve better than this.

I don't give up easily. Anyone who knows me will say that when I decide I'm going to do something it will get done, one way or another. I put in so much work, and effort, and resources to come here. I really, really wanted to come here. But I'm starting to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I keep wondering what would be good enough for Sweden. I keep wondering what Sweden actually wants me to do. I hate to say it, but if Sweden wants me to leave then unfortunately Sweden is winning. It's wearing me down, and I don't know if I can keep putting up with this.

On the surface things are good. I have a decent job, a nice place to live, a social life, I can speak Swedish - you'd be forgiven for thinking I've really got my shit together here. In some ways I have. But then this kind of problem comes up yet again and reminds me that my life here is very superficial. I really wanted to come here, but I'm starting to get sick of jumping through every hoop and it still not being good enough. You only have to look online at pretty much any expat forum or website to see that I'm not the only one.

I can remember the exact moment in Finland, after being there for just under two months, when I knew I wanted it to be my home, and I knew that I would do whatever it took to stay. I loved it so much, and I did put up with a lot in order to stay. I love Stockholm, and I like my day to day life in Stockholm, but even after double the amount of time I don't feel that burning love that I had in Turku. I am not eager to leave, but there's only so much I'm willing to put up with in order to stay. And I'm not sure for how long I'm willing to be only half a person.

Staying still and travelling

Things have still been busy recently, but in more pleasant ways. I was offered an extension on my work contract, so despite the other things that are going on I'm going to stay put in Stockholm for now. It is difficult in some ways, but it's also so nice that I can still continue the experience I wanted to have of living here. Especially as spring is arriving and generally it's getting so much brighter here now.

I'm quite determined to stay occupied, to distract from the more negative feelings that come with staying here, and at the moment I have a few things coming up that I'm excited about. 

Tomorrow I'll be going to Krakow for a week for a work related trip. It's a bit nerve wracking, but I hope it will be a generally pleasant experience. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to explore Krakow, but hopefully there will be some opportunities for that. When I lived in Finland I considered visiting Gdansk purely because there was a direct flight from Turku, but other than that I've never really thought about visiting Poland, plus this only came up very recently, so it's a cool opportunity, and will definitely be an adventure.

I'll be travelling for most of tomorrow, so I have quite a few things I need to do today. Supermarket Art Fair is on today, and I hoped to go but I think it'll take up too much time, so as an alternative, I've found that Stockholm Art Book Fair, which I think is fairly new, is also on today at Spritmuseum in Djurgården, so I'm planning to go to that today. I've had so much going on that I completely missed that it was Stockholm Art this week - a bit disappointing.

The other thing I'm excited about is that in just under 4 weeks I'm going for a short holiday to London! I'm really looking forward to seeing lots of people who I miss, and I'm surprised by how excited I am to actually be back in London for a few days! I think it's a well-deserved reward after a stressful period of time. So although it's not perfect, I feel optimistic for the near future, and I'm going to make an effort to work more on this blog again, and in fact, to generally put a bit more into my creative practices.

I went AWOL

It's been almost a month since I updated this blog. I've had to personal matters to deal with recently, and it seems that, very sadly, I'll soon be going back to London due to what's been happening. It's unexpected, and if it weren't for this I would not even be thinking about leaving Stockholm, but it's something very important to me. So this has taken up a lot of my time and energy recently, I've gone into myself a bit. My work contract finishes at the end of April - I never looked into other options at the same place because all of this came up - so it looks like I'll be shipping out at the start of May, meaning that I was here for four months. It's so sad, especially as it's now getting warmer and sunnier in Stockholm, summer is definitely on its way. I have a very short time left here, so I'm trying to appreciate it and make the best of it. As it's been a while, here are a few noteworthy things that have been going on lately.

First of all, in another unexpected turn of events, in a weeks time I will be travelling to Krakow for a week! For the final month of my contract I've been given a slightly different role at work, which mainly involves planning an event in Krakow, and as part of this I'm required to attend said event in Krakow! I'm excited but also nervous, and it does mean that, according to when I expect to leave, this is my last full weekend in Stockholm, as I will be travelling to and from Poland during two weekends. It's still a new experience, so I'm really grateful to have the chance to go.

I visited a vegetarian restaurant lately that I had walked past many times in Gamla Stan, but never been to, Hermitage Restaurang. It's a vegetarian all you can eat buffet - a lot of the food is vegan - and is wasn't bad for 120kr for dinner. There are not a huge number of choices - bread, soup, a hot dish, lasagne, rice, potatoes, and various salads - but the food was quite nice, and it's a pleasant environment. You're given free jugs of water with mint and lemon, which is a nice gesture. The restaurant is small, and I was part of a large group at a busy time, so I did get cramped. The buffet and counter area is also quite cramped, but other than that I really enjoyed it here. I think that lunch here was 10 or 20kr cheaper than dinner, and I think this would be a great place for lunch. Yet another restaurant in Stockholm that I approve of.

After the meal we went for a drink, and walked to Södermalm. We found one bar called Stora Vikingen, or in English, "The Big Viking", and decided that we really had to go there. It was all really kind of funny because the bar looked a bit old and tired, it didn't look to be that well maintained, but when we sat down they gave the menu to us in the form of an iPad! We sat down and immediate had four iPads on the table! It wasn't the most attractive looking place but the staff were pleasant, the wine we ordered was good, and we enjoyed ourselves. But it goes to show that not everything in Södermalm is cool.

On Friday night I went somewhere really cool though, also in Södermalm - Södra Teatern. I hadn't been here before, but actually had probably one of the best nights I've had in Stockholm. At first we were on the terrace, where the views are absolutely beautiful. Definitely one of the best places I've found to look at all of Stockholm. In the evenings right now it's still a bit too chilly to sit outside very late, so we went back inside to the bar, but it must be so nice to sit outside there in the summer. 

Best of all, after a while it turned out there was a ska/reggae night happening, which happens to be my favourite genre of music, and until now I hadn't found any nights with this type of music in Stockholm. I really enjoyed it here, and would love to come again.

At the moment I'm really taking each day as it comes, but I hope that I will have time in the next few weeks to appreciate being here, and make more happy memories of my time here, which is sadly being cut short.

A Swedish inconvenience

Obviously yesterday was St Patricks Day, and I was invited out for drinks by some of my colleagues. This was my first ever experience of a big inconvenience here - not being able to go out because I was doing my laundry!
Like most buildings here, we have a communal laundry room that you have to book a timeslot for. The timeslot is called a tvättpass, which I inevitably read as something a bit ruder. Anyway, having specifically booked an evening slot for when I was home from work, to avoid my boyfriend being lumbered with having to do it all himself, there was nothing I could do but decline the invitation out. When I commented to my colleagues that I couldn't believe my laundry was affecting my social life now I was told "Welcome to Sweden".
As it happened, I wasn't much in the mood for going out, as I'd spent my whole working day taking minutes in a meeting without a lunch break, so by the time I got home I was exhausted, hungry, buzzing from coffee, my fingers were bent into claws, and I desperately needed to pee constantly. In England you would never move into a furnished home that didn't actually have a washing machine, but it seems here I will have to get used to planning my social life around my tvättpass.

Påskmust?

A couple of days ago I had the slightly dubious joy of tasting påskmust for the first time. Påskmust is a traditional Easter soft drink in Sweden, and is basically exactly the same as Julmust, a Christmas drink, but with a new label. I understand that it's much more commonplace around Christmas. Swedish people take it quite seriously. Uncle Wikipedia tells me that in December 45 million litres are consumed!

So in my endeavours to understand this country I tried a bit. It was odd. I don't know if I liked it or not. It had quite a strong flavour and seemed very fragrant, to the point that it felt a bit like drinking a bottle of perfume. The bottle that I was offered had gone flat, so maybe it's better when it's still fizzy.

It wasn't entirely unpleasant, but I think it might be an acquired taste. I'm certainly willing to try some again, but I do wonder if I could manage to drink a whole bottle. A few sips was enough for my first time.

If anyone in the UK, USA, or Canada is keen to try this, you can apparently buy bottles from Ikea during the Christmas period. The påskmust I had came from Ikea, but I don't know if it's sold abroad around Easter. I think this is one I'll have to come back to to make up my mind. My housemate says that another brand is better and I should taste that instead. Perhaps by the time it's Christmas my tastes will have adapted a bit and I can join the rest of Sweden in guzzling it.

Recent lovely observations

Things have been busy and stressful this week, so I'm very happy that it's Friday! We've now signed the contract for our flat though, so we officially live there. Although I've been busy I've noticed a few things later that make life in Sweden a little bit more lovely.

1. Bus drivers

I'm used to living in London, where bus drivers tend to be grumpy at the best of times. Maybe the bus drivers in Stockholm are a bit happier in their jobs, but they are so much nicer! Since moving to Högdalen I've been travelling to work using the t-bana and then a quick bus journey, and I've found the bus drivers to have a totally different attitude. Often they say hello to you when you get on the bus, which is totally alien to me. Even better, when they can see you running down the road desperately trying to get to the bus stop in time, they'll actually wait for you! I cannot count the number of times that I missed a bus in London because the bus driver just drove off even though I was running as fast as I could towards the bus - in fact it was a novelty if the bus driver actually was kind enough to wait.

2. Flowers for name days

In the local supermarket there is a small flower section, and I noticed the other day that they have a sign there telling customers the name days for the week, so there's no excuse to forget your loved one's name day. Being from England I don't have a name day, but I still think it's a nice thing.

3. Dogs

This is not a new observation, but there are so many cute dogs in Stockholm. It almost seems like everybody has a sweet little dog. I love pugs, and I've seen so many pugs since I got here. In fact a few ways ago I was walking down the street thinking about pugs (as you do), and a lady suddenly appeared walking two of them. Maybe I just have a weird superpower that allows me to summon pugs. I'm sure that has many useful applications in life. On the way to work this morning I saw at least four lovely looking dogs, including one pug.


This week has certainly not been the easiest, so the little things can make all the difference when you feel a bit down. This weekend I hope to relax and cheer up, and I'm thinking of going to an hour long meditation class tomorrow morning to start the weekend in a calm way. It's easy to get overwhelmed in a new country when you're trying to establish yourself; perhaps I've been too harsh on myself and expected too much of myself. My only comparison to this experience is living in Finland, which turned out amazingly well in the end, and I think it's easy to forget the more difficult aspects of that experience, and the fact that there were so many challenges. Obviously, some of the challenges I face here are different - it's a different time, different country, and different circumstances. Perhaps this week can be a reminder to slow down, accept that it's not all easy when you have a lot of commitments and interests to balance, and keep going.

A delicious new experience

Last night I had a new experience, but not a very Swedish one. Our housemate suggested an Ethiopian restaurant to us, so Kai and I went for dinner there. I'm certain that there are Ethiopian restaurants in London, but I'd never really eaten Ethiopian food before, so it was new for me.

We went to Gojo in Södermalm, and it was amazing. We hadn't booked a table but they managed to fit us in anyway with a time limit. There was a nice atmosphere and the restaurant is comfortable and looks great, with portraits of Ethiopian people and colourful lamps. It felt really homey, and they played Ethiopian music too. When we left we noticed there's a live show on Saturday nights - we were a bit too early for that last night.

The menu is small, and there's just one vegetarian meal, but after eating it once I have no problem with that at all! I loved it! 

The food is presented beautifully, with the plate set in a woven basket with a lid that the waitress took away. It looked nice on the plate, and tasted so good. Even the salad was seasoned perfectly. Every item on the plate had a unique flavour and texture, and it all balanced really well. I can't think of many occasions when I've been to a restaurant for the first time and been so impressed. Kai had a similar meal that included meat, and he loved the food just as much as I did. Of all the small dishes I really can't choose a favourite - the salad, cabbage, beans, and potatoes with carrots were all unbelievably tasty. The bread is really good too, but very different in texture, flavour, and appearance, to European bread.

We read on the menu that coffee is a very significant part of an Ethiopian meal, so next time we go to Gojo we'll definitely book a table so we can take our time and drink coffee too - we finished eating just in time last night so ordering coffee was unfortunately not an option. After this experience I would undoubtedly recommend Ethiopian food, and Gojo too. It wasn't even very expensive; the vegetarian meal cost 145kr. 

I know of a couple of other Ethiopian restaurants in Stockholm - I walk past one of them every day, it doesn't look great from the outside but is almost 100kr more expensive than Gojo, and my housemate read me an online review that said someone found a bug in their food. So I don't think we'll be going there, but there's another near Rådmansgatan that we could also try. 

I've been really impressed with the restaurants in Stockholm - the variety of food available, and the quality. Every time I've eaten out here I've been very satisfied. I'm used to living in a very multicultural city, and I'm glad that Stockholm also has such a mix of people, meaning that authentic food is available. I think Gojo has replaced Greasy Spoon as my favourite restaurant in Stockholm, and its location is ideal for us, it's so easy to get to. I really can't say anything negative, and I've found a new type of food to enjoy!

A beautiful Swedish silent film

The building I work in was previously a school for blind children, and last night I watched a really beautiful film from 1932 about the school. It can be viewed on the Film Arkivet website here. It's a silent film, so I'd recommend it even if you cannot understand Swedish. There are also some scenes of Stockholm almost 100 years ago, which is really interesting to see.
I was really impressed to see the children doing amazing dance routines, and making things so accurately, despite being blind. Maybe it's just the tone of silent films, but there's something very ethereal and beautiful about it. The children look so happy and seem to have so many opportunities in this film, especially considering that it was a different time then.
For me, it was also very interesting to see places in the film that I see every day. It's strange to think I've probably been in some of the rooms that are shown in the film, and I certainly recognise the outside areas. It's about 20 minutes long, and worth watching. It gave me another chance to practice reading Swedish too!

Fun with Skatteverket part 3

I should really just accept that visits to Skatteverket will probably be a fairly regular occurence for the foreseeable future. Yesterday I went back to apply for a samordningsnummer, which I understand allows me to pay tax and not much else. I already had the paperwork for this, as I was given it when I applied for the personnummer, but was still expecting to wait for a long time.
On this occasion I was actually in and out in about five minutes. My form was already complete, so they took photocopies of my work contract and passport, and as this is basically guaranteed because I'm working in Sweden I was told I'll get the details in the post shortly.
What alarmed me a bit is that the lady who helped me told me that I'll need to reapply for this number every year! Which basically says they are happy to let people live here for a lengthy period without being given full rights. That's certainly a bit of a worry. There's a space on the
I asked the lady what would happen if I eventually had short term contracts at one workplace adding up to a year or more, bearing in mind that during my first ever trip to Skatteverket I was told, possibly by the same lady as last night, as the two looked very similar, that you must have a personnummer if you live in Sweden for more than a year. She told me what I had suspected, that even if you've lived here for 10 years with short term contracts it doesn't prove that you can support yourself for at least a year into the future. As my workplace usually offers short term contracts this is a big concern for me at the moment. She seemed to find it very difficult to tell me that, as though she knew it was a bit stupid.
She told me that to qualify for a personnummer I would usually need a work contract of at least 6 months. When I went to the exact same office three weeks ago, the man who helped me told me that you usually need a work contract of at least 12 months. Those are two very different periods of time! When I got home last night I looked online for more information about the samordningsnummer, and at what point this can change to a personnummer, and it seems that everyone who moves to Sweden is equally confused, which at least is some consolation. There doesn't seem to be a definitive set of rules, and whether or not your qualify seems to be depend on who you speak to, what day it is, and what mood they're in. I've now been given three sets of different information, all from the same office, an office in central Stockholm that I would imagine has a lot of visitors in similar situations to mine.
Kai is currently having interviews for a job, and I really think he's going to be successful. Initially he'll get a six month contract - three weeks ago I would have told him not to waste time applying for a personnummer, and to just apply for a samordningsnummer in the first place. Now I've told him to just apply for a personnummer anyway if he gets the job, because it seems that some people at Skatteverket will accept a 6 month contract, and that'll mean we both get personnummers.
I suppose it's a step in the right direction, but it's still frustrating, and I really am surprised that the system is so disorganised. When I first researched what I needed to do when I got to Sweden it seemed very straightforward, far easier than when I went to Finland, but I'm now finding that's not really the case. Everyone, whether they have moved here or actually work at Skatteverket, seems equally confused.
One positive is that I've discovered I can open a non-resident bank account here. My employer can pay into my English account, but the bank in England takes some commission for accepting the payment, so it would be much better to have an account in Sweden. My housemate sent me a link to information about non-resident accounts from the Handelsbanken website, so the plan is to go to Handelsbanken to set up an account, with this information in hand in case they try to argue about it. Conveniently, a branch near to where I live is open until 7pm on Wednesdays, so I think I'll go there tomorrow. It's all baby steps, and it feels like things are still very up in the air, but everything is a small step in the right direction. Let's just keep hoping for long term work contracts.

Louise Bourgeois at Moderna Museet

Today was a very exciting day because I finally went to the Louise Bourgeois exhibition at Moderna Museet. I've been looking forward to this since I found out about it last September, and although it's been on for two weeks I waited until today because I planned to see it with some others. It was definitely worth the wait!
The artist is one I find very interesting, and I'm able to draw inspiration quite a lot from her work. There was a huge amount of work in the show, and I think it's an exhibition you could happily see more than once. What I've always really liked about Louise Bourgeois is that her work spans across a lot of disciplines and media, but with a common theme bringing it all together, and I really admire such versatility.
Her versatility is really evident in this show, and featured some methods that I'd not even seen from her before, which just impressed upon me even more the variety within her work. I really feel that anyone could see this show and find something that they like.

The last exhibition at Moderna Museet, Skulptur Efter Skulptur, was quite minimal, and I hoped that this would not be the case with this show. Louise Bourgeois' work comes across as so rich and deep, so I'm not sure a very small show would work. I feel like her work needs to be emphasised, and thankfully this was quite a large show. We didn't even look at the permanent collection and were still at the gallery for a couple of hours. Walls had been set up within the room so that you kind of moved in a spiral, and it gave the impression of getting further into the artist's psyche. As her work is intimate, and at times explicit, this seemed to make sense with it. The show felt kind of intense, but I think that really worked well. Once again, Moderna Museet has not disappointed me.

The other really cool thing about my day was the people I went to the exhibition with. I found a group for female artists and creatives in Stockholm, which was only established fairly recently, and it was so nice to meet other creative people here. Obviously it's important to make like-minded friends, but there was also a lot of discussion about formally setting up some kind of creative collective, actively arranging group shows here together, and looking for opportunities. Networking is such a big thing in Stockholm, so I've really been aiming to meet other artists and creative people, especially because I'm new here and there must be so many people with much more experience within art in Stockholm, and Sweden as a whole. Even though there were only a few of us there today we already found some parallels between the work that we make, even if our mediums differ. That's cool in itself as we are from different countries and backgrounds, but still have common concerns that transcend that.
Everyone seemed to be equally motivated to search for opportunities together, and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with these people again and hopefully developing our ideas a bit more. Seeing as there are several nationalities involved we may even be having international touring exhibitions before you know it! I'm really happy I met these people, and I hope that the ideas we talked about today get pushed forward. I feel like this was a big step in the right direction in terms of developing my career here, plus I got to see an amazing exhibition. So all in all it's been a very successful day, and it's just a shame that the weekend is pretty much over!

Balancing act

Yesterday we decided to explore our local area a little more, and went for a lovely walk by a very large frozen lake near to our house. It was so quiet and peaceful, everything so still. This is something I really appreciate about Stockholm after living in London for several years - there are so many quiet places here, even in central Stockholm there are areas where you can just sit in peace, and there's definitely nowhere like that in central London! I feel that Stockholm has a very good balance between liveliness, and more peaceful places. I had a chance to draw some pictures too - I haven't actually gone out sketching in a while, so that was really nice.
In the evening our flatmates suggested going for dinner at a restaurant they like very close to our house, so we did that and it was really nice. The waitress was so bubbly and cheerful, and repeatedly pointed out how young and beautiful I was, which I'm certainly not complaining about!

Since I found a job in this country I feel that balance is my biggest problem. Seeing as most emerging artists are obliged to support themselves with a day job I know that my problem is not unique, and it certainly isn't a new problem for me, it's been a constant issue in my mind since I graduated in 2012. However, up until now I was in London, where I had my life already set up, I had friends, I had plenty of art contacts, I knew my way around, and of course I was fluent in the language there! It definitely wasn't always easy to do everything that I wanted to, but I feel like it's much more difficult for me right now.
Whilst I was looking for work here I obviously had a lot of free time, and it was easier to do everything that I wanted to. Now I work five days a week, which I'm perfectly willing to do, but it obviously takes up a large part of my time. In the remaining time I have to try to fit in making art and looking for opportunities etc related to this, working on this blog and a novel that I'm writing, exploring my new home and getting to know Stockholm better, having a social life, which right now involves more effort because I don't know many people in Stockholm, so I need to make an effort to go out and meet new people, continuing to learn Swedish, and also having time to relax and have a private life with my partner.

Already I've had to really think about what my priorities are. Shortly before I found a job I got involved with a newly established advertising agency, who wanted a few hours of voluntary work per week, and were aiming for this to turn into full time employment for their volunteers in a few months time when they had a revenue stream. This seemed ideal whilst I was still job hunting, and I liked the prospect of this hopefully becoming a more creative day job in the future.
However, it became apparent that this would involve taking part in fairly long meetings on Saturdays, and that's not particularly appealing after working Monday-Friday. As I hadn't even started doing any work for those people, and already was struggling to fit everything in, having another commitment on my plate didn't seem like a good idea. I worried that doing this work to deadlines could mean that my own work would fall to one side, and that is much more important to me than working for free for someone else's benefit. So I dropped this idea, and I'm sure I'll feel pretty stupid if this company later becomes one of the biggest advertising agencies in the world. But I have to make my choices.
Recently I've started to become more efficient in a bid to fit everything in. I practice Swedish online on my way to work; if I have a little bit of quiet time at the end of the day I try to write if I can. I think the secret is trying to fit something in wherever possible - even five minutes is better than nothing at all.

I remember that an American artist I met during a residency in Iceland a couple of years ago told me that she tried to do small pieces of work, because it seemed much more manageable when she came home from working all day and then had to produce something. I've been keeping this advice in mind, because currently the main drawing I'm working on consists of lots of small drawings that will later be connected together to make a large scale piece of work. I think even aiming to work on one of these when I get home each day is a good strategy.
Stockholm is still new and exciting to me, so I'm obviously really keen to visit different areas and see new places, particularly galleries and art spaces that are brand new for me. At weekends it is really tempting to go out and explore, rather than concentrating on work or the more administrative side of my career. Perhaps I should keep in mind that we are not here for a short trip, we have plenty of time to go to new places, and we don't need to see everything this instant. I'm making friends and doing various things to help me meet new people, and hopefully when I have more of an established set of friends here, which is what is starting to happen now, things will be a bit easier. I hope that, as I settle more, and force myself to become more disciplined, it'll become easier to balance everything in my life.
Perhaps I also need to avoid beating myself up for not working or being active constantly, and keep in mind that I also need time to relax. Until I get to a position where a day job is unnecessary I think that this will be a constant issue in my life to some degree. I'm getting there, I'm making friends and art related contacts here, and my efficiency is definitely improving. Maybe I shouldn't expect to be superwoman. I think my life would be easier if we'd stayed put in London, but I'm certain my life would not be happier that way.

Differences

Here is a list of a few differences between Sweden and England that I’ve noticed recently.

Public transport etiquette during rush hour

For the past two weeks I’ve been using the pendeltag to travel to work each day. I’ve had a lot of amusing experiences on the pendeltag, including completely ignoring someone who tried to speak to me and strolling out of the station, before realising that that person was a ticket inspector, and witnessing a man who had a separate seat next to him for his sandwich. Experiences like this have given me a great love for the pendeltag.

However, having moved over the weekend I need to take a slightly different route to work now, and Monday was the first morning I used the t-bana to get to work. It was certainly busier than the pendeltag, and I had to stand up for some of the way, as I would expect at that time of the morning. I did, however, notice one big difference between going to work on the t-bana, and going to work on the tube in London. In London if there’s a free seat it’s often very competitive over who gets to sit down. Here, each time a seat became free, everyone seemed to ignore it or just look slightly confused by it. I’ve noticed that commuters here look less like their souls have been destroyed than in London, which is nice to see, so maybe in London people are more desperate for a small comfort, such as the option to sit down.

Cigarettes

This, in particular, is something I find odd and a bit annoying here. It’s really difficult to buy the necessaries to roll your own cigarettes. In England some people smoke pre-rolled cigarettes, some people do not, and that’s all there really is to it. Until after I left Stockholm in September I primarily smoked Marlboro Lights, since then I’ve smoked rollies, and now I find smoking pre-rolled cigarettes a bit unpleasant. However, it’s sometimes quite difficult to buy the relevant materials for this, possibly because I’ve been told that smoking in this way is typically associated with using drugs here. Maybe it’s just really unpopular and so fewer shops actually stock rolling papers etc.

As an example, on Friday morning I needed to buy Rizla, so when I got to the train station I went to the Pressbyran shop, which is a chain of newsagents here. They didn’t have Rizla – not as in they were out of stock, as in this is a product they didn’t stock at all. There is another Pressbyran shop outside the station I was getting off at, so I decided to try there too, expecting they also would not have them, and when I couldn’t see them behind the counter I just bought Marlboro instead. Pressbyran is a major chain, so it doesn’t fill me with optimism that they don’t sell them. There is also a 7-Eleven quite close to my workplace, but when I went there previously to try to buy filters they didn’t sell them at all, so I’m doubtful that they would have papers. In Hagsatra the local Spel & Tobac sold everything we needed, in Hogdalen the local shop is a Pressbyran so this puts us in a slight pickle. These items seem to generally be confined to specialist tobacconists, but obviously there isn’t one of those on every street corner. To moan even more, slim filter tips and papers don’t seem to be usual here, and the tobacco isn’t quite the same, so we end up with fat, slightly unpleasant cigarettes. I know I should probably use this as encouragement to quit smoking, rather than encouragement to moan.

Dagenslunch

This I love. A lot of restaurants offer lunch inclusive of water or juice, coffee, salad, and the main meal! It seems that a lot more is provided for your money here, although I’ve encountered the salad bar thing in Finland too. In restaurants in England you tend to sit down and stay put, but here it seems more normal for people to be wandering about helping themselves to some things. It’s normal enough that a lot of places don’t even tell you to do this stuff yourself – when we went to Greasy Spoon on Saturday we ordered coffee and had finished it by the time the food was brought to us. We asked for two more cups of coffee, and were told the coffee was round the corner and we could help ourselves to as much as we liked! When you love coffee as much as I do that’s obviously a good thing to hear, and also makes your coffee even better value for money! In England if you want something other than tap water you’re paying for it. I’m getting to like the restaurant culture here, especially as there seem to be a lot of good restaurants to try in Stockholm.

Hot dogs

What is going on with Swedish people and hot dogs? They love them! I suspect this may be a Nordic thing rather than a specifically Swedish thing, as I once spent a month in Iceland and learned that the establishment voted the best restaurant in Iceland is a hot dog stand in Reykjavik. I even walked past it once! Hot dogs are so popular here, Pressbyran frequently advertises the hot dogs they sell, and I’ve even seen advertisements for their hot dogs for breakfast! Hot dogs are literally promoted as breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack! Sausages are a legitimate element of an English breakfast, so perhaps I shouldn’t be so surprised by this suggestion, but it’s not something that would ever have occurred to me. I’m even being influenced by this big love of hot dogs – last night I bought vegetarian hot dogs for myself, and meat ones for Kai, and we had a hot dog night, which is not something I’d ever done before, but I’d definitely do it again.