One year ago today...

One year ago today, and I can't believe that already it's so long ago, I came to Sweden to visit Heli, as part of a two week European tour visiting Stockholm, Amsterdam, Barcelona, and a failed trip to Andorra. A year ago if you'd told me that now I'd have been working full time in Stockholm for several months, that I'd live in a part of southern Stockholm I'd never even heard of at that point, I'd have a Swedish phone number and bank account, and would be semi-fluent in Swedish I'd think it was ridiculous! A year ago I went alone to a supermarket here to buy something to eat, and had to look at products with Finnish text on the packaging to be sure of what it was! A year ago I asked Heli to write down for me the Swedish for asking someone if they spoke English, and it took a couple of days of encouraging myself before I even managed to say those three words!

A year ago I was a bit fed up and frustrated with London, and decided a holiday would do me some good and get it out of my system. I didn't expect the opposite effect. I'd thought of how one day moving to Stockholm might be nice, but was not taking the idea seriously at all. I just expected to have a nice few days with my friend here before moving on. But over a few days, starting with National Day, which is this Saturday, I decided that actually I really wanted to come here. And why wait? I felt there was no reason that I had to live in London or England. And by the time I left Stockholm for Amsterdam I was heartbroken to be leaving, and was determined to be back soon. Here I am still.

Things have certainly not gone quite to plan. I rushed, thinking I knew it all about emigrating because I managed in Finland, didn't give myself enough time, and left in September after a few weeks because I really wasn't happy without my boyfriend. I didn't expect to go back to England for a few months, and it was frustrating at the time, but actually it was also a really happy time that I'm glad I experienced.

This time round has not been without problems, but has definitely been more successful. As my boyfriend pointed out yesterday, I have managed. I have made a life. I have a house, a job, and many more friends in Stockholm than I had a year ago. I know more than I did a year ago. It's not been easy all the time, but I've learned a lot.

I'm starting to feel quite ready to leave Stockholm now. It's a beautiful place, and I think an experience like this is always valuable, but Stockholm isn't the one for me. I would certainly still visit in the future, there are many people and places here that I want to see again. I have no definite plans for when I will leave, but I know I don't want to stay here long term. Just like in September, I'm not as happy as I could or should be.

It's strange to think that a year has passed since this all really began. And actually I think that the last year has been one of the most exciting and special years in my life, despite the ups and downs, for both reasons relating to Stockholm and reasons relating to other things. It's not been perfect, I'm not happy all the time, but it could certainly be worse. I'm not sure how much more time I have here, but I'll be sure to appreciate the time I do have until it's over.

Super amazing news!

I have some wonderful, joyful news! After an absence of almost 3 years, which I can't quite believe, I am going to Turku! In just over two weeks I'll be getting the ferry to Finland for a few days, and I really am so happy. I had had it in the back of my mind since I got to Stockholm that I should travel there, but hadn't got to it. Then I had a message on Friday from one of my Finnish friends asking when I would come back, and now it's happening! I really hope it hasn't changed too much, my friend Emmi who I met in Turku but now lives in England goes back to see her family now and then, and has mentioned some things about it to me, but I really cannot wait to be back there myself.

However, I must say that my first experience booking with Viking Line has been fairly ridiculous - much more hassle than it needs to be, and both Finnish and Swedish friends who I've asked have told me that they also think the website is terrible.

It's not user friendly - the Swedish site is only available in Swedish, which is ok, but if I'm spending money I often prefer to use a website in English so I have no doubt over what I'm doing. I certainly don't think that services in this country should have to be available in English, and I've been critical of others I've met who expect this. Anyway, I spent all of yesterday attempting to buy tickets, using two different computers, my phone, two different cards - both of which had sufficient funds to make payment, and only ever received error messages. I thought it might be my error as I'd been providing my Swedish address, but my cards are registered to my parents' address in England. I tried their address, that didn't work either! Something that should be so easy was causing me so much stress.

This morning I called their customer service team to try to make the purchase over the phone. The lady I spoke to was helpful, but once she'd made a booking for me she instructed me to go to their website to make payment, which was the problem in the first place! She then tried to make a payment over the phone, the card still didn't work! Maybe their system dislikes cards from outside of Sweden, but I told her it was a UK card and she didn't mention that they didn't accept this. They make reference on their website to ID requirements for non-Nordic citizens, and I would think that for people who are travelling using the ferry would be quite a good option, so I really don't see why a card from another country should cause such problems. 

After payment failed yet again she advised me that I could pay when I check in, and just needed to take my booking number. This is fine for me, but as this has been such a hassle so far I'm anxious that something else will go wrong and my booking will mysteriously go missing or something like that. In fact, I will need to call them again anyway, as when I entered my booking number and name into the website to check that everything was correct the message advised that the name did not match the booking number. I appreciate that my name is unusual for English people, let alone a Swedish person, and the lady I spoke to probably just misheard me or made a typo, but the whole thing is not filling me with confidence.

So in conclusion I'm very happy to be going back to Turku after quite some time, I really cannot wait to see my friends there again, but I'm not impressed at all with Viking Line, to the point that last night I wrote my first complaint in Swedish. Hopefully it sounded as effective in Swedish as in English, and hopefully my trip will actually be straightforward once I've solved the issue of what name they put on my booking. However, if there's a next time I think I'll use a different service, especially as no one seems to have good things to say about booking with Viking Line.

Staying still and travelling

Things have still been busy recently, but in more pleasant ways. I was offered an extension on my work contract, so despite the other things that are going on I'm going to stay put in Stockholm for now. It is difficult in some ways, but it's also so nice that I can still continue the experience I wanted to have of living here. Especially as spring is arriving and generally it's getting so much brighter here now.

I'm quite determined to stay occupied, to distract from the more negative feelings that come with staying here, and at the moment I have a few things coming up that I'm excited about. 

Tomorrow I'll be going to Krakow for a week for a work related trip. It's a bit nerve wracking, but I hope it will be a generally pleasant experience. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to explore Krakow, but hopefully there will be some opportunities for that. When I lived in Finland I considered visiting Gdansk purely because there was a direct flight from Turku, but other than that I've never really thought about visiting Poland, plus this only came up very recently, so it's a cool opportunity, and will definitely be an adventure.

I'll be travelling for most of tomorrow, so I have quite a few things I need to do today. Supermarket Art Fair is on today, and I hoped to go but I think it'll take up too much time, so as an alternative, I've found that Stockholm Art Book Fair, which I think is fairly new, is also on today at Spritmuseum in Djurgården, so I'm planning to go to that today. I've had so much going on that I completely missed that it was Stockholm Art this week - a bit disappointing.

The other thing I'm excited about is that in just under 4 weeks I'm going for a short holiday to London! I'm really looking forward to seeing lots of people who I miss, and I'm surprised by how excited I am to actually be back in London for a few days! I think it's a well-deserved reward after a stressful period of time. So although it's not perfect, I feel optimistic for the near future, and I'm going to make an effort to work more on this blog again, and in fact, to generally put a bit more into my creative practices.

A reflection

Tomorrow I'm going back to London for a bit. I have a plan for coming back to Stockholm, and I'm leaving at least half of my belongings here. It's definitely temporary. My original plan did not include this break, but I think it's the best way forward, as I'll be back with my boyfriend and we can plan everything together. Work is arranged for probably January onwards, and I feel that we'll have a strong start.

I don't regret coming to Stockholm now, because it has assured me that I'd definitely like to live here. It's like a quieter, more peaceful version of London, and it's beautiful here. I've seen new areas here, as well as places I've been to before, and I understand more how it feels to live here, even though everything is still really new.

I've met people and made some progress here, so that hopefully things will be easier when we come back. Things will be slightly more ready for us, and there will be more of a plan. I didn't have a particularly strong plan for coming here this time round. I planned very well what to do whilst I was still in England, and thought less about what to do once I arrived in Sweden. If my boyfriend wasn't still in England I think I would have tried harder to sort things out here, but as it is, I'd really start this again together. This was kind of like research and a trial period for me.

I know I can be happy in Stockholm, but this time I haven't been as happy as I know I could or should be, and that is because I'm here alone. I knew fairly little about Rinkeby, the area I've been staying in - I knew it wasn't a particularly good area - and I'm not particularly keen on it. The house I live in is lovely, but very few Swedish people live in this area, and moving to Sweden should obviously include integrating with Swedish people. Added to that, the house I've been living in is completely international, made up of visitors or people new to Stockholm. I don't want to criticise these people, but the situation means I've had less contact with Swedish people than I hoped for or expected. At times it's been easy to forget where I actually am. I don't intend to move back to Rinkeby next time I'm here.

I've met some new people who actually live in Stockholm, and who will be here for the foreseeable future. I feel a bit more connected in Stockholm, and this has been in only a few weeks, so I hope that they'll be more people to come when I get back here. I feel now that I could happily build a life in Stockholm.

I was surprised by how much of the Swedish language I can read and understand, However, before coming here I had no practice actually speaking Swedish. This has been my first experience of hearing and speaking Swedish since I started learning it. I now feel that I should really work on my spoken Swedish, and on understanding others when they speak to me. I'm hoping to find a Swedish person in London to practice speaking with.

Our return in December or January will be long-term. It's a bit of a shame to leave but I think our chances will be better - we know more of what to expect now. Being here with someone else is surely also more pleasant than coming here alone.

So, unless there is something particularly relevant to write, I'll be leaving this blog for a bit until roughly December or January, and I'm sure there'll be lots of unexpected stuff then.