More banking and bitching

Seriously, I hate banking in this country. I genuinely hate it. I had to go to the bank during my lunch break to pay my rent, and just the thought of going there filled me with dread.
And of course, it's not like in England or Finland where I'd go to the counter with my account details, my landlord's account details, and they'd just make a transfer. I had to fill out one slip to withdraw the money from my account, and another to put it into his account. Having never done this before it was a bit confusing and the staff in the bank were not particularly helpful.
The best (or worst) part of it, was that one member of staff told me they usually charge a fee to make such a transaction in a branch - I'm starting to wonder why they actually bother to have branches at all, when most are open for 3 or 4 hours a day, and only one SEB branch in all of Stockholm actually handles cash - but they could waive it as it was the first time I'd made the transaction so I obviously didn't know. I told them I don't have a choice seeing as I'm not allowed online banking due to the personnummer issue. At that point the man in the bank said they'd waive it this time, and then told me things would be a lot easier for me if I got a personnummer. My only reaction to that is:

Because obviously I'm being treated as a second class citizen through choice!

This brings me neatly on to the next subject - I'm leaving! I'm going back to the motherland next month, I feel like I'm ready and happy to go now. There are various reasons for this, but feeling that I cannot be treated like everyone else for no good reason is a significant factor. It is sad in some ways, and I definitely like Stockholm and will still visit in the future, but I feel like this experience has run its course for me. I've got a month left, and I'll make the most of it, starting with going to Turku tonight! I'm still slightly paranoid that Viking Line will screw up my booking somehow - I've been obsessively checking the booking on their website to make sure it hasn't mysteriously disappeared. So far so good, but until I'm checked in at the harbour in a few hours I'll still have some worry in my mind. I'm so excited though, despite that fact that one of my friends got his days confused, and called me about 5 times at 7am this morning because he was at the harbour in Turku waiting for me! I'm so happy to be going back for a few days, it doesn't feel quite real.

As well as banking being unfathomable to me, last night I discovered another strange part of living in Sweden. My friend and I went for a couple of drinks at Mosebacke Terrace, which is really lovely with beautiful views of Stockholm, especially now when the sun is going down so late. It turns out that it's not allowed here to drink outside after 10.30pm - we were surprised that the outdoor bars shut down after 10pm, and at around 10.30 they started to take away unfinished drinks, although it was an option to finish them inside. It was getting chilly so we went home anyway, but it was quite a surprise. What a view though.

Super amazing news!

I have some wonderful, joyful news! After an absence of almost 3 years, which I can't quite believe, I am going to Turku! In just over two weeks I'll be getting the ferry to Finland for a few days, and I really am so happy. I had had it in the back of my mind since I got to Stockholm that I should travel there, but hadn't got to it. Then I had a message on Friday from one of my Finnish friends asking when I would come back, and now it's happening! I really hope it hasn't changed too much, my friend Emmi who I met in Turku but now lives in England goes back to see her family now and then, and has mentioned some things about it to me, but I really cannot wait to be back there myself.

However, I must say that my first experience booking with Viking Line has been fairly ridiculous - much more hassle than it needs to be, and both Finnish and Swedish friends who I've asked have told me that they also think the website is terrible.

It's not user friendly - the Swedish site is only available in Swedish, which is ok, but if I'm spending money I often prefer to use a website in English so I have no doubt over what I'm doing. I certainly don't think that services in this country should have to be available in English, and I've been critical of others I've met who expect this. Anyway, I spent all of yesterday attempting to buy tickets, using two different computers, my phone, two different cards - both of which had sufficient funds to make payment, and only ever received error messages. I thought it might be my error as I'd been providing my Swedish address, but my cards are registered to my parents' address in England. I tried their address, that didn't work either! Something that should be so easy was causing me so much stress.

This morning I called their customer service team to try to make the purchase over the phone. The lady I spoke to was helpful, but once she'd made a booking for me she instructed me to go to their website to make payment, which was the problem in the first place! She then tried to make a payment over the phone, the card still didn't work! Maybe their system dislikes cards from outside of Sweden, but I told her it was a UK card and she didn't mention that they didn't accept this. They make reference on their website to ID requirements for non-Nordic citizens, and I would think that for people who are travelling using the ferry would be quite a good option, so I really don't see why a card from another country should cause such problems. 

After payment failed yet again she advised me that I could pay when I check in, and just needed to take my booking number. This is fine for me, but as this has been such a hassle so far I'm anxious that something else will go wrong and my booking will mysteriously go missing or something like that. In fact, I will need to call them again anyway, as when I entered my booking number and name into the website to check that everything was correct the message advised that the name did not match the booking number. I appreciate that my name is unusual for English people, let alone a Swedish person, and the lady I spoke to probably just misheard me or made a typo, but the whole thing is not filling me with confidence.

So in conclusion I'm very happy to be going back to Turku after quite some time, I really cannot wait to see my friends there again, but I'm not impressed at all with Viking Line, to the point that last night I wrote my first complaint in Swedish. Hopefully it sounded as effective in Swedish as in English, and hopefully my trip will actually be straightforward once I've solved the issue of what name they put on my booking. However, if there's a next time I think I'll use a different service, especially as no one seems to have good things to say about booking with Viking Line.

Good/bad/beautiful day

Tomorrow I'm off to London! I'm quite excited to go home for a few days and see my friends. I had today off as well, and it was overall a nice day, but as always, not without its ups and downs.

The good news - I went to SEB and managed to open a bank account! Now that I've got into the banking system here I have to say I find it absolutely bizarre. In fact, whilst many things here are not what I'm used to, this is the first thing I've found completely impossible to understand.

First off, I was confused by the fact that the nearest branch to me in Globen was only open for 3 hours every day. Nevertheless, off I went, and when I explained that I just want to receive my wages and pay my rent the nice man at the bank asked me how I'd get the rent money into my new bank account. I said I would get it from the ATM and put it in the account so the payment could be made, which seemed fairly obvious. He then told me that only one branch in Stockholm handles cash! But it's a bank!

Anyway, the one and only branch that handles cash is in Sergels Torg, and as I had planned to go to an exhibition at Kulturhuset anyway it was no bother really to go there as well so I opened the account. Incidentally, the nice man told me that his best friend is English and he thinks it's sad how much foreign people struggle here. He told me to keep aiming for that personnummer and things will be much easier. It's nice to know that the average Swedish person agrees that things are unreasonably difficult for those who had the misfortune to be born abroad.

The other odd thing about banking in Sweden is that there is no standard system for generating account numbers. Each bank has their own system. I was wondering why my landlord's bank account number is twice as long as mine, and upon googling how the number should look I found that every bank has their own system. You might get to understand what your own bank does, but for other banks it's guesswork. I find this completely baffling. 

Then my day took a turn for the worse. I went to Sergels Torg, and knowing that the maximum amount you can withdraw from an ATM is 2000kr, I planned to use an ATM a few times to get enough for my rent, and a bit extra for when my bank card arrives. It should be here once I get back from London. Sadly it was not to be. It seems 2000kr is the maximum I can take per day, maybe partly because I'm withdrawing from an overseas account. So I never actually got to the Sergels Torg branch, and still had to pay my rent with ridiculous fees from my UK account. My war with them about the fees is ongoing, but at least now my wages will come into my Swedish account and I can save a little more. It's still frustrating, but I know I've made a small amount of progress.

I felt sorry for myself for a bit, and then went on to Kulturhuset. I have to say I really like it there, and really enjoy their exhibitions. I'm also able to see exhibitions there for free - I'm 25 years old, and those aged 25 and under go for free. I happen to look a bit younger than I really am, and every time I've told staff I'm 25 and asked to go in for free they've never asked for proof, so I'm probably going to be 25 years old for a while.

The current show is called "Asylum", and exhibits both art and fashion pieces. The theme seems fairly tentative in places, but there's a lot of interesting work there, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the mix of contemporary and older work, and there was work from less famous names, but also artists such as Salvador Dali. It's a really mixed show. The media is also very mixed - film, fashion, and sculpture. It's pretty broad so I think most people could take something from it, and for this reason I would recommend it.

After seeing the show I had some time to kill before going to the pub, so I went to the library and looked at the art section. I hadn't looked at this before, but I thought it was great. They have books in a variety of languages, there are comfortable places to sit, and they have a good range of books on art, fashion, photography, and design. I spent a while flicking through a really nice book about shoe design, it was quiet and peaceful, and I recommend it as a place to fill a bit of time.

So apart from one blip I had a pleasant day off work, and I'm looking forward to going on holiday tomorrow. It's getting late and I still need to pack my suitcase!

If Sweden was my boyfriend

Krakow was an experience. Mainly I was working, so there wasn't much of a chance to really explore, but being in a country that is completely alien to me made me realise that Sweden is becoming quite comfortable for me now. Every day I'm surrounded by a foreign language, but it's one that I understand, and it felt strange to see a foreign language everywhere that I couldn't even begin to understand. Obviously it's been a learning process to understand this country, and I'm quite sure I've only reached the tip of the iceberg, but this was the point that I realised how much things here have started to make sense to me, and become the "normal" way for me. But now onto an aspect of living here that I really cannot make sense of, and that really is making me question more and more why I'm here.

I don't actually have a bank account in Sweden. In January I was waiting to get a job and get established here, in February I was waiting for a personnummer, in March I had some personal matters to deal with that were more of a priority, and for much of this month I believed I would be leaving soon, thus making it a waste of time to go and open an account. Having decided that I will stay longer, today after work I finally made the effort to go to Handelsbanken. I chose Handelsbanken specifically because numerous sources, including the bank themselves, state that they offer a non-resident bank account. I'm not sure how that's different to any other bank account, but due to not being able to get a personnummer it's really the only option for getting an account in this country in my current circumstances.

So in I go, armed with ID, copies of payslips, my work contract etc, and immediately I'm shut down and told that they don't offer that service. I asked why their own website, plus numerous other sources, claims that they do if they don't. The gentleman at the bank didn't have an answer for that. He told me there have to be exceptional circumstances, or they have to have an existing agreement with my employer, which of course they don't. I suggested they get someone to have a look at the information they're giving out. He suggested I try ICA Banken. I walked outside and burst into tears.

You may ask why having a bank account in Sweden is such a big deal, let alone something to bring me to tears in the middle of the street, especially when my employer has been happily paying my wages into my UK account all this time. I'm losing money just by being here. Every financial transaction I make comes with a fee. My bank casually takes £6 from my wages every month for accepting foreign money, which is a tiny percentage of the wages, but obviously it adds up over time. Worst of all is that when I pay rent to my landlord, who obviously does have a Swedish bank account, my bank charges me an extra £30, which is a significant addition to the rent.

But this is just one part of a bigger problem. Sweden has no respect for me. Sweden is happy to take from me but gives me nothing back. Sweden makes me feel like I'm not a real person. Every time I think things are going well Sweden takes my hope away. Sweden isn't satisfied no matter what I do. I have a sneaking suspicion that Sweden probably doesn't want me around at all. If Sweden was my boyfriend everyone I knew would be telling me to leave.

I am not, and never have been, an idle person. Coming to this country, my intention was always to find a job, contribute, and basically do all the things that any normal, productive member of society does, the same things I have done throughout my adult life. I worked hard to find a job, and a month to the day since I arrived in this country I was starting a new job. I believe that some of this was down to being in the right place at the right time, but I worked hard to find a job, and other people have been uniformly impressed with the speed in which I started working here, and then found a stable place to live. I like my house and my job, and on the surface I probably appear to be very settled. 

Having a personnummer is the key to everything here. Having found a job, everything I knew suggested that I could then get a personnummer, and then get all the other things like a bank account set up. We know how that turned out, and it became clear in my dealings with Skatteverket that the information you get really depends on who you speak to and what the weather is like that day. Not wanting to recognise me as a resident of this country certainly doesn't mean the government is going to let me keep my money, of course not. I'm not entitled to even join a gym here, but I still get a third of my money taken away in taxes, to pay for the royal wedding amongst other things. I'm very much entitled to pay taxes to Sweden, but that's about the only thing I'm entitled to. Every time there seems to be some way to make my life easier, for example opening a non-resident bank account, the door gets slammed in my face once again, and I'm sick of it. 

I can't help but compare this experience to when I lived in Finland. It's now been about four months, and at this point when I was in Finland I had both a bank account and a social security number, and I gained those things through having a one month part time work contract. Now I've been working full time for three months, and I'm entitled to bugger all. When talking about these problems to Swedish people, I've mentioned how in Finland my employer could only pay into a Finnish account. There was a delay at Maistraati in providing me with a social security number, but they'd confirmed I was entitled to one and would receive one, so my friend took me to the bank and we explained the circumstances. It was no trouble at all, they opened an account for me with a generic number, and told me to come back and let them know my real social security number once I had it. I never actually remembered to go back and tell them. Swedish people laugh their heads off at the idea of such a thing happening in a Swedish bank. And to prove the point, the very first question I was asked today, even after specifying that I'd like a non-resident account, was "Can I see your personnummer?" 

I haven't been to Finland in a while, so I can't say for sure how the situation is these days, but from what I know immigration levels are much lower there than in Sweden. When I lived there everyone I knew, except for one person, was Finnish. I was the novelty act because I was foreign. Attitudes to immigrants, even white European ones like me, were not always tolerant. At the time I felt like the authorities might be deliberately making things difficult. Now the way Finland treated me seems like a dream. If I had had the job I have now in Finland I wouldn't have had a care in the world.

I'm sick of basic things being huge struggles. I'm sick of feeling like nobody cares, nobody wants to help, like whatever direction I go in it still leads to nothing. I'm sick of losing money through necessary transactions like getting paid and paying my rent. I've done everything right, and I've not asked for anything except to be treated like everyone else. And it just makes me think more and more, why am I actually bothering? I could move back to London and get treated like a real human being. There are issues in my personal life that make living in England again a good option, and the way I'm treated by the authorities here does nothing to discourage me. I spend more and more time feeling frustrated and unhappy, and I can't help but feel that I deserve better than this.

I don't give up easily. Anyone who knows me will say that when I decide I'm going to do something it will get done, one way or another. I put in so much work, and effort, and resources to come here. I really, really wanted to come here. But I'm starting to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I keep wondering what would be good enough for Sweden. I keep wondering what Sweden actually wants me to do. I hate to say it, but if Sweden wants me to leave then unfortunately Sweden is winning. It's wearing me down, and I don't know if I can keep putting up with this.

On the surface things are good. I have a decent job, a nice place to live, a social life, I can speak Swedish - you'd be forgiven for thinking I've really got my shit together here. In some ways I have. But then this kind of problem comes up yet again and reminds me that my life here is very superficial. I really wanted to come here, but I'm starting to get sick of jumping through every hoop and it still not being good enough. You only have to look online at pretty much any expat forum or website to see that I'm not the only one.

I can remember the exact moment in Finland, after being there for just under two months, when I knew I wanted it to be my home, and I knew that I would do whatever it took to stay. I loved it so much, and I did put up with a lot in order to stay. I love Stockholm, and I like my day to day life in Stockholm, but even after double the amount of time I don't feel that burning love that I had in Turku. I am not eager to leave, but there's only so much I'm willing to put up with in order to stay. And I'm not sure for how long I'm willing to be only half a person.

Recent lovely observations

Things have been busy and stressful this week, so I'm very happy that it's Friday! We've now signed the contract for our flat though, so we officially live there. Although I've been busy I've noticed a few things later that make life in Sweden a little bit more lovely.

1. Bus drivers

I'm used to living in London, where bus drivers tend to be grumpy at the best of times. Maybe the bus drivers in Stockholm are a bit happier in their jobs, but they are so much nicer! Since moving to Högdalen I've been travelling to work using the t-bana and then a quick bus journey, and I've found the bus drivers to have a totally different attitude. Often they say hello to you when you get on the bus, which is totally alien to me. Even better, when they can see you running down the road desperately trying to get to the bus stop in time, they'll actually wait for you! I cannot count the number of times that I missed a bus in London because the bus driver just drove off even though I was running as fast as I could towards the bus - in fact it was a novelty if the bus driver actually was kind enough to wait.

2. Flowers for name days

In the local supermarket there is a small flower section, and I noticed the other day that they have a sign there telling customers the name days for the week, so there's no excuse to forget your loved one's name day. Being from England I don't have a name day, but I still think it's a nice thing.

3. Dogs

This is not a new observation, but there are so many cute dogs in Stockholm. It almost seems like everybody has a sweet little dog. I love pugs, and I've seen so many pugs since I got here. In fact a few ways ago I was walking down the street thinking about pugs (as you do), and a lady suddenly appeared walking two of them. Maybe I just have a weird superpower that allows me to summon pugs. I'm sure that has many useful applications in life. On the way to work this morning I saw at least four lovely looking dogs, including one pug.


This week has certainly not been the easiest, so the little things can make all the difference when you feel a bit down. This weekend I hope to relax and cheer up, and I'm thinking of going to an hour long meditation class tomorrow morning to start the weekend in a calm way. It's easy to get overwhelmed in a new country when you're trying to establish yourself; perhaps I've been too harsh on myself and expected too much of myself. My only comparison to this experience is living in Finland, which turned out amazingly well in the end, and I think it's easy to forget the more difficult aspects of that experience, and the fact that there were so many challenges. Obviously, some of the challenges I face here are different - it's a different time, different country, and different circumstances. Perhaps this week can be a reminder to slow down, accept that it's not all easy when you have a lot of commitments and interests to balance, and keep going.

Fun with Skatteverket part 3

I should really just accept that visits to Skatteverket will probably be a fairly regular occurence for the foreseeable future. Yesterday I went back to apply for a samordningsnummer, which I understand allows me to pay tax and not much else. I already had the paperwork for this, as I was given it when I applied for the personnummer, but was still expecting to wait for a long time.
On this occasion I was actually in and out in about five minutes. My form was already complete, so they took photocopies of my work contract and passport, and as this is basically guaranteed because I'm working in Sweden I was told I'll get the details in the post shortly.
What alarmed me a bit is that the lady who helped me told me that I'll need to reapply for this number every year! Which basically says they are happy to let people live here for a lengthy period without being given full rights. That's certainly a bit of a worry. There's a space on the
I asked the lady what would happen if I eventually had short term contracts at one workplace adding up to a year or more, bearing in mind that during my first ever trip to Skatteverket I was told, possibly by the same lady as last night, as the two looked very similar, that you must have a personnummer if you live in Sweden for more than a year. She told me what I had suspected, that even if you've lived here for 10 years with short term contracts it doesn't prove that you can support yourself for at least a year into the future. As my workplace usually offers short term contracts this is a big concern for me at the moment. She seemed to find it very difficult to tell me that, as though she knew it was a bit stupid.
She told me that to qualify for a personnummer I would usually need a work contract of at least 6 months. When I went to the exact same office three weeks ago, the man who helped me told me that you usually need a work contract of at least 12 months. Those are two very different periods of time! When I got home last night I looked online for more information about the samordningsnummer, and at what point this can change to a personnummer, and it seems that everyone who moves to Sweden is equally confused, which at least is some consolation. There doesn't seem to be a definitive set of rules, and whether or not your qualify seems to be depend on who you speak to, what day it is, and what mood they're in. I've now been given three sets of different information, all from the same office, an office in central Stockholm that I would imagine has a lot of visitors in similar situations to mine.
Kai is currently having interviews for a job, and I really think he's going to be successful. Initially he'll get a six month contract - three weeks ago I would have told him not to waste time applying for a personnummer, and to just apply for a samordningsnummer in the first place. Now I've told him to just apply for a personnummer anyway if he gets the job, because it seems that some people at Skatteverket will accept a 6 month contract, and that'll mean we both get personnummers.
I suppose it's a step in the right direction, but it's still frustrating, and I really am surprised that the system is so disorganised. When I first researched what I needed to do when I got to Sweden it seemed very straightforward, far easier than when I went to Finland, but I'm now finding that's not really the case. Everyone, whether they have moved here or actually work at Skatteverket, seems equally confused.
One positive is that I've discovered I can open a non-resident bank account here. My employer can pay into my English account, but the bank in England takes some commission for accepting the payment, so it would be much better to have an account in Sweden. My housemate sent me a link to information about non-resident accounts from the Handelsbanken website, so the plan is to go to Handelsbanken to set up an account, with this information in hand in case they try to argue about it. Conveniently, a branch near to where I live is open until 7pm on Wednesdays, so I think I'll go there tomorrow. It's all baby steps, and it feels like things are still very up in the air, but everything is a small step in the right direction. Let's just keep hoping for long term work contracts.

Balancing act

Yesterday we decided to explore our local area a little more, and went for a lovely walk by a very large frozen lake near to our house. It was so quiet and peaceful, everything so still. This is something I really appreciate about Stockholm after living in London for several years - there are so many quiet places here, even in central Stockholm there are areas where you can just sit in peace, and there's definitely nowhere like that in central London! I feel that Stockholm has a very good balance between liveliness, and more peaceful places. I had a chance to draw some pictures too - I haven't actually gone out sketching in a while, so that was really nice.
In the evening our flatmates suggested going for dinner at a restaurant they like very close to our house, so we did that and it was really nice. The waitress was so bubbly and cheerful, and repeatedly pointed out how young and beautiful I was, which I'm certainly not complaining about!

Since I found a job in this country I feel that balance is my biggest problem. Seeing as most emerging artists are obliged to support themselves with a day job I know that my problem is not unique, and it certainly isn't a new problem for me, it's been a constant issue in my mind since I graduated in 2012. However, up until now I was in London, where I had my life already set up, I had friends, I had plenty of art contacts, I knew my way around, and of course I was fluent in the language there! It definitely wasn't always easy to do everything that I wanted to, but I feel like it's much more difficult for me right now.
Whilst I was looking for work here I obviously had a lot of free time, and it was easier to do everything that I wanted to. Now I work five days a week, which I'm perfectly willing to do, but it obviously takes up a large part of my time. In the remaining time I have to try to fit in making art and looking for opportunities etc related to this, working on this blog and a novel that I'm writing, exploring my new home and getting to know Stockholm better, having a social life, which right now involves more effort because I don't know many people in Stockholm, so I need to make an effort to go out and meet new people, continuing to learn Swedish, and also having time to relax and have a private life with my partner.

Already I've had to really think about what my priorities are. Shortly before I found a job I got involved with a newly established advertising agency, who wanted a few hours of voluntary work per week, and were aiming for this to turn into full time employment for their volunteers in a few months time when they had a revenue stream. This seemed ideal whilst I was still job hunting, and I liked the prospect of this hopefully becoming a more creative day job in the future.
However, it became apparent that this would involve taking part in fairly long meetings on Saturdays, and that's not particularly appealing after working Monday-Friday. As I hadn't even started doing any work for those people, and already was struggling to fit everything in, having another commitment on my plate didn't seem like a good idea. I worried that doing this work to deadlines could mean that my own work would fall to one side, and that is much more important to me than working for free for someone else's benefit. So I dropped this idea, and I'm sure I'll feel pretty stupid if this company later becomes one of the biggest advertising agencies in the world. But I have to make my choices.
Recently I've started to become more efficient in a bid to fit everything in. I practice Swedish online on my way to work; if I have a little bit of quiet time at the end of the day I try to write if I can. I think the secret is trying to fit something in wherever possible - even five minutes is better than nothing at all.

I remember that an American artist I met during a residency in Iceland a couple of years ago told me that she tried to do small pieces of work, because it seemed much more manageable when she came home from working all day and then had to produce something. I've been keeping this advice in mind, because currently the main drawing I'm working on consists of lots of small drawings that will later be connected together to make a large scale piece of work. I think even aiming to work on one of these when I get home each day is a good strategy.
Stockholm is still new and exciting to me, so I'm obviously really keen to visit different areas and see new places, particularly galleries and art spaces that are brand new for me. At weekends it is really tempting to go out and explore, rather than concentrating on work or the more administrative side of my career. Perhaps I should keep in mind that we are not here for a short trip, we have plenty of time to go to new places, and we don't need to see everything this instant. I'm making friends and doing various things to help me meet new people, and hopefully when I have more of an established set of friends here, which is what is starting to happen now, things will be a bit easier. I hope that, as I settle more, and force myself to become more disciplined, it'll become easier to balance everything in my life.
Perhaps I also need to avoid beating myself up for not working or being active constantly, and keep in mind that I also need time to relax. Until I get to a position where a day job is unnecessary I think that this will be a constant issue in my life to some degree. I'm getting there, I'm making friends and art related contacts here, and my efficiency is definitely improving. Maybe I shouldn't expect to be superwoman. I think my life would be easier if we'd stayed put in London, but I'm certain my life would not be happier that way.