Thank you SEB!

It looks like my personal banking crisis may soon be over! I've just had a very welcome email from SEB's non-resident branch, and they've advised that if I am paying tax in this country and just want a basic bank account with a card and online banking I can open one at any regular SEB branch! Success! So I will be taking this email and all the evidence I have that I'm a tax payer, and opening an account on Monday. I'm very pleased, and hopefully this will save me some money.
Still no reply from my UK bank regarding their charges, but it's one less thing to worry about.

Successful Valborg weekend

I've really enjoyed the bank holiday weekend. Even though I had Friday off work it doesn't stop me being a bit jealous of everyone in England having tomorrow off whilst I have to go back to work. I've mentioned previously how I struggle to balance everything in my life, and I think it's especially difficult in a new country when there's much more to take in. I'm really happy that this weekend I've been able to get lots of creative stuff done. It really frustrates me when I can't get on with the work I need to do. Exhibiting is less of a priority for me right now, I'm more concerned with actually producing work, so I'm really happy that there's been plenty of time for that this weekend.
On Friday I finally finished a piece of work that I've been doing for a while, and it was so satisfying to get it done. Then today I attended a meeting of a drawing group where we played some drawing games and worked on our own pieces. It wasn't quite what I was expecting - people who had an art education and who worked at this professionally were in the minority - but it was enjoyable.

The image shows a game I particularly enjoyed where everyone wrote a word in their language - except I had to go for Finnish as the other three languages I speak were all spoken within the group - we then chose a piece of paper at random and worked from that. I was quite lucky as I chose a Swedish word that I'm not familiar with - skorstensrök - so I also learned a new Swedish word today. It actually means chimney smoke, but the sound of it made me think of scars and rocks, so I drew something intended to look like a jagged and and scarred rock or cliff. By coincidence it also turned out to look quite smoky. It was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon, and I have a similar event coming up in a few weeks with a slightly different target audience, so I'm looking forward to that.

Aside from these activities this weekend has been pleasant. I went out with my friends on Friday night and had some well deserved drinks after the stress I've had this week. It also became quite clear that spring has arrived in Stockholm - I woke up at 5am this morning to find that it was daylight, but somehow I doubt this'll make it any easier to get up for work in the mornings. And lastly, this evening I was chatting to my landlord, who is currently living in Spain, and I mentioned to him the huge fees I get charged by my bank when I pay my rent to him. He was shocked, and told me that for transfers between EU countries it is not allowed to charge more than you'd be charged for transfers within one country. He told me that he doesn't get charged for transferring between his Swedish and Spanish bank accounts. I understand that a small part of the fees I pay are for currency conversion, but this really is a small part of the fee, and I have certainly never paid fees to transfer money to different banks within the UK. I googled this, and found the EU website, which says exactly the same as he did. He suggested I take this up with my bank and I certainly intend to, even if I have to do it in person when I'm on holiday. I'm not going to assume that the bank will do anything about this, but it's certainly worth looking into further.

I don't want to spoil my good mood with worrying, so to end on a happy note, here's a picture of me and my lovely international family on Friday night. The family that dances around like drunken morons together stays together.

If Sweden was my boyfriend

Krakow was an experience. Mainly I was working, so there wasn't much of a chance to really explore, but being in a country that is completely alien to me made me realise that Sweden is becoming quite comfortable for me now. Every day I'm surrounded by a foreign language, but it's one that I understand, and it felt strange to see a foreign language everywhere that I couldn't even begin to understand. Obviously it's been a learning process to understand this country, and I'm quite sure I've only reached the tip of the iceberg, but this was the point that I realised how much things here have started to make sense to me, and become the "normal" way for me. But now onto an aspect of living here that I really cannot make sense of, and that really is making me question more and more why I'm here.

I don't actually have a bank account in Sweden. In January I was waiting to get a job and get established here, in February I was waiting for a personnummer, in March I had some personal matters to deal with that were more of a priority, and for much of this month I believed I would be leaving soon, thus making it a waste of time to go and open an account. Having decided that I will stay longer, today after work I finally made the effort to go to Handelsbanken. I chose Handelsbanken specifically because numerous sources, including the bank themselves, state that they offer a non-resident bank account. I'm not sure how that's different to any other bank account, but due to not being able to get a personnummer it's really the only option for getting an account in this country in my current circumstances.

So in I go, armed with ID, copies of payslips, my work contract etc, and immediately I'm shut down and told that they don't offer that service. I asked why their own website, plus numerous other sources, claims that they do if they don't. The gentleman at the bank didn't have an answer for that. He told me there have to be exceptional circumstances, or they have to have an existing agreement with my employer, which of course they don't. I suggested they get someone to have a look at the information they're giving out. He suggested I try ICA Banken. I walked outside and burst into tears.

You may ask why having a bank account in Sweden is such a big deal, let alone something to bring me to tears in the middle of the street, especially when my employer has been happily paying my wages into my UK account all this time. I'm losing money just by being here. Every financial transaction I make comes with a fee. My bank casually takes £6 from my wages every month for accepting foreign money, which is a tiny percentage of the wages, but obviously it adds up over time. Worst of all is that when I pay rent to my landlord, who obviously does have a Swedish bank account, my bank charges me an extra £30, which is a significant addition to the rent.

But this is just one part of a bigger problem. Sweden has no respect for me. Sweden is happy to take from me but gives me nothing back. Sweden makes me feel like I'm not a real person. Every time I think things are going well Sweden takes my hope away. Sweden isn't satisfied no matter what I do. I have a sneaking suspicion that Sweden probably doesn't want me around at all. If Sweden was my boyfriend everyone I knew would be telling me to leave.

I am not, and never have been, an idle person. Coming to this country, my intention was always to find a job, contribute, and basically do all the things that any normal, productive member of society does, the same things I have done throughout my adult life. I worked hard to find a job, and a month to the day since I arrived in this country I was starting a new job. I believe that some of this was down to being in the right place at the right time, but I worked hard to find a job, and other people have been uniformly impressed with the speed in which I started working here, and then found a stable place to live. I like my house and my job, and on the surface I probably appear to be very settled. 

Having a personnummer is the key to everything here. Having found a job, everything I knew suggested that I could then get a personnummer, and then get all the other things like a bank account set up. We know how that turned out, and it became clear in my dealings with Skatteverket that the information you get really depends on who you speak to and what the weather is like that day. Not wanting to recognise me as a resident of this country certainly doesn't mean the government is going to let me keep my money, of course not. I'm not entitled to even join a gym here, but I still get a third of my money taken away in taxes, to pay for the royal wedding amongst other things. I'm very much entitled to pay taxes to Sweden, but that's about the only thing I'm entitled to. Every time there seems to be some way to make my life easier, for example opening a non-resident bank account, the door gets slammed in my face once again, and I'm sick of it. 

I can't help but compare this experience to when I lived in Finland. It's now been about four months, and at this point when I was in Finland I had both a bank account and a social security number, and I gained those things through having a one month part time work contract. Now I've been working full time for three months, and I'm entitled to bugger all. When talking about these problems to Swedish people, I've mentioned how in Finland my employer could only pay into a Finnish account. There was a delay at Maistraati in providing me with a social security number, but they'd confirmed I was entitled to one and would receive one, so my friend took me to the bank and we explained the circumstances. It was no trouble at all, they opened an account for me with a generic number, and told me to come back and let them know my real social security number once I had it. I never actually remembered to go back and tell them. Swedish people laugh their heads off at the idea of such a thing happening in a Swedish bank. And to prove the point, the very first question I was asked today, even after specifying that I'd like a non-resident account, was "Can I see your personnummer?" 

I haven't been to Finland in a while, so I can't say for sure how the situation is these days, but from what I know immigration levels are much lower there than in Sweden. When I lived there everyone I knew, except for one person, was Finnish. I was the novelty act because I was foreign. Attitudes to immigrants, even white European ones like me, were not always tolerant. At the time I felt like the authorities might be deliberately making things difficult. Now the way Finland treated me seems like a dream. If I had had the job I have now in Finland I wouldn't have had a care in the world.

I'm sick of basic things being huge struggles. I'm sick of feeling like nobody cares, nobody wants to help, like whatever direction I go in it still leads to nothing. I'm sick of losing money through necessary transactions like getting paid and paying my rent. I've done everything right, and I've not asked for anything except to be treated like everyone else. And it just makes me think more and more, why am I actually bothering? I could move back to London and get treated like a real human being. There are issues in my personal life that make living in England again a good option, and the way I'm treated by the authorities here does nothing to discourage me. I spend more and more time feeling frustrated and unhappy, and I can't help but feel that I deserve better than this.

I don't give up easily. Anyone who knows me will say that when I decide I'm going to do something it will get done, one way or another. I put in so much work, and effort, and resources to come here. I really, really wanted to come here. But I'm starting to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I keep wondering what would be good enough for Sweden. I keep wondering what Sweden actually wants me to do. I hate to say it, but if Sweden wants me to leave then unfortunately Sweden is winning. It's wearing me down, and I don't know if I can keep putting up with this.

On the surface things are good. I have a decent job, a nice place to live, a social life, I can speak Swedish - you'd be forgiven for thinking I've really got my shit together here. In some ways I have. But then this kind of problem comes up yet again and reminds me that my life here is very superficial. I really wanted to come here, but I'm starting to get sick of jumping through every hoop and it still not being good enough. You only have to look online at pretty much any expat forum or website to see that I'm not the only one.

I can remember the exact moment in Finland, after being there for just under two months, when I knew I wanted it to be my home, and I knew that I would do whatever it took to stay. I loved it so much, and I did put up with a lot in order to stay. I love Stockholm, and I like my day to day life in Stockholm, but even after double the amount of time I don't feel that burning love that I had in Turku. I am not eager to leave, but there's only so much I'm willing to put up with in order to stay. And I'm not sure for how long I'm willing to be only half a person.

Eating my way through Stockholm

I've now been here for a week, and I realise that I've pretty much devoted myself to eating my way through Stockholm. I've been spending a lot of time with Heli, my friend from Finland, this week, and thankfully we're both pretty into food.
This week we made two visits to Vapiano, which is extremely popular in Stockholm, but with only one restaurant in London. I first visited Vapiano when I was last visiting Heli in June, and was very happy to visit again. The concept is kind of unusual, as you order your food directly from the chef, which means you can have some control over seasoning etc. The downside is that this means your food might be ready at separate times. We found this when we went to the restaurant in Gamla Stan - Heli had to queue for about 40 minutes for risotto, I ordered a pizza and had completely finished it by the time she sat down with her food. Kind of defeats the object of going out for a meal together. This wasn't a problem when we've visited the restaurant in Östermalm previously. I also found that the pizza in Gamla Stan wasn't cooked as well as in Östermalm, so I'm not sure if I'd go back to that particular restaurant. Generally I really like Vapiano, the food is good and the prices are very reasonable too.
There is another Italian restaurant in Gamla Stan that we went to both times I visited Stockholm in the past, called Michelangelo, which I really do recommend. I've never actually had pasta there, but the pizzas I've eaten have always been really good. Again, the prices are really reasonable, and the atmosphere there is very nice.
Yesterday we had a lovely lunch at Sushi Hjorthagen, very close to where Heli lives and across the street from Ropsten station. This also marked the first occasion that I ordered something completely in Swedish and the other person spoke back to me only in Swedish. I assume I have a very foreign accent, as Swedish people tend to start speaking to me in English even when I am speaking Swedish. Yesterday an Irish man I met advised me to just persevere and speak Swedish even when they speak English, so I think I'm not the only person who has experienced this. The sushi was delicious and beautifully presented - they also had a number of vegetarian options, which is a big positive for me. As it was a small, local restaurant in a residential area I wondered whether the quality would be that good, but I was really impressed and would definitely visit again. It was a lovely, sunny afternoon, so sitting out on the terrace of the restaurant was great, and the area was really peaceful.
Last night we intended to go to the nacho buffet at Hellströms. Everyone I meet seems to have heard of this, even if they haven't been there. We visited when I was last in Stockholm, and it's amazing that you can get all you can eat food for only 20kr. That's unimaginable in London, 20kr is approximately £1.72! It would cost you more to buy the ingredients and make the food at home! Even better is that beer is only 29kr, and this is the weekend price, throughout the rest of the week it's only 24kr! Definitely the cheapest drinks I've seen in Stockholm. The buffet is from 4-7pm, unfortunately this time we turned up a bit too late and there was no food left. In terms of value for money I can't think of anything better. There's always next Friday...
As an alternative we went to Opal in Söderhallarna, which we've visited before just for drinks. I like that they have shiny silver sofas and some tables that look like a glitterball cut in half. Opal mainly offers burgers, I had the vegetarian halloumi burger and it was pretty good, very filling. It was almost 200kr, quite expensive for what it actually was, and definitely more than you'd pay for something similar in London. Although people often say Stockholm is very expensive I find that the cost of living is roughly the same as London, with some differences. Alcohol generally costs slightly more, cigarettes are much less, and rent is much less. Shame that it's so difficult to find somewhere to live in the first place!
When I was last here I ordered a falafel wrap at the end of a night out, and was very confused to find that this wrap included mashed potato as a filling! I like mashed potato, and it was very tasty mashed potato, I just really didn't understand why it was there. Sweden is apparently really big on mashed potato, and this is quite normal. I mentioned this earlier today to a German person who I'm currently sharing a house with, and she didn't seem to be phased by this at all, so I'm wondering if this is actually normal outside of Sweden too. Definitely not in England though.
In other news, I've decided in a couple of weeks to go back to England temporarily, as my boyfriend and I are both quite unhappy about being separated. It also seems the more sensible option, as when we get back here in December or January we'll have more money and more options for housing, which is the biggest concern I have here. I can go back to my old job on a temporary basis, and save even more money too. It's sad to leave Stockholm again so quickly, but something is really missing being here alone, and I'd much rather change the plan and come back in a couple of months. I'm still going to go to job interviews and look into jobs in the next couple of weeks, and also use this time to improve my spoken Swedish, and generally integrate more with Swedish people. I'm planning to leave a lot of my belongings in Stockholm, so I can say with absolute certainty that I'll be back before long. I have a meeting about a job on Monday that's quite important, but this is the plan regardless of the outcome of that. I don't think that company will want an immediate start, and I'm told that a notice period of three months is quite normal here, which takes us up to December anyway. Coming here now was still completely worthwhile, but I do feel that I could be much happier than I am. So that means two more weeks to keep munching my way through Stockholm, and then a little while to plan what to eat when I'm back!

Smells like red tape

Foolishly, I assumed getting a personnummer would be a straightforward process. I am an EU citizen, I am looking for a job, and in the meantime I have the funds to support myself, which I have proof of. So off I go to Skatteverket, feeling quite confident that I can sort this out early on in my time here with minimal fuss. Wrong!

I got to the office, and the lady who I spoke to was pleasant and helpful. She told me that whilst I was living on my own funds I needed proof of medical insurance. I have an EHIC card, which I used whilst I was living in Finland without any problems, and I thought this would also be sufficient here. She told me this wasn't enough to get a personnummer, and that I needed an S1 form from the health service in England. She recommended I arrange this and then come back. This was a slightly frustrating turn of events, but didn't seem so difficult to resolve.

Finding out how to acquire this form was a struggle in itself. It is not available online, and when I googled the form I found countless forums and discussions from English people living in various European countries who couldn't work out how to acquire the form or were having problems with it. I also found a discussion between English people in Sweden that did not fill me with optimism, as it outlined many people's problems with either getting the form or being accepted by the Swedish authorities whilst they were in the same financial position as I am. The NHS website was useless quite frankly, and I eventually found a UK contact number on a forum.

I called and explained my situation, and was promptly informed that I'm not entitled to the S1 form! Since June the form is only issued to pensioners or people working for UK companies overseas. Prior to June they would have taken my National Insurance number to find out how much I had contributed, and then worked out how long my form should be valid for based on that. As Sweden requires coverage for at least one year that might not even have been successful. I actually said to the woman on the phone "So they're telling me I can't register without this form and there's no alternative, and you're telling me I'm not entitled to it and there's no alternative, so basically I'm stuck." Her response was "Yes."

The only other option if I really want to register at this point is to pay for private medical insurance, and I'm not going to do that. Before looking into the process I assumed I'd need a job before anything else, the same as in Finland, and this seemed like a faster way to get things done. Clearly not, so I just need to concentrate on finding work, which is obviously one of the main priorities right now. 

This has dragged me down a bit and I'm not brimming with confidence right now. I know I can't fall at the first hurdle, and I know I can only make so much progress in a couple of days, but I'm not used to being in such an unstable position. This was my choice so maybe I shouldn't feel sorry for myself about it. I know that living in Finland was far from straightforward at times, and it seems I'd conveniently forgotten about the problems I had. At least I can rest assured that I'm far from the only one who has experienced this problem, even before the policy with the S1 form changed. As the personnummer isn't even necessary unless I'm definitely staying at least a year I think I should stop worrying so much, stop expecting so much of myself, and just get back to working on a house and job. In a couple of weeks if I'm still struggling I'll have to think about what to do. I hope it works out.