Staying still and travelling

Things have still been busy recently, but in more pleasant ways. I was offered an extension on my work contract, so despite the other things that are going on I'm going to stay put in Stockholm for now. It is difficult in some ways, but it's also so nice that I can still continue the experience I wanted to have of living here. Especially as spring is arriving and generally it's getting so much brighter here now.

I'm quite determined to stay occupied, to distract from the more negative feelings that come with staying here, and at the moment I have a few things coming up that I'm excited about. 

Tomorrow I'll be going to Krakow for a week for a work related trip. It's a bit nerve wracking, but I hope it will be a generally pleasant experience. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to explore Krakow, but hopefully there will be some opportunities for that. When I lived in Finland I considered visiting Gdansk purely because there was a direct flight from Turku, but other than that I've never really thought about visiting Poland, plus this only came up very recently, so it's a cool opportunity, and will definitely be an adventure.

I'll be travelling for most of tomorrow, so I have quite a few things I need to do today. Supermarket Art Fair is on today, and I hoped to go but I think it'll take up too much time, so as an alternative, I've found that Stockholm Art Book Fair, which I think is fairly new, is also on today at Spritmuseum in Djurgården, so I'm planning to go to that today. I've had so much going on that I completely missed that it was Stockholm Art this week - a bit disappointing.

The other thing I'm excited about is that in just under 4 weeks I'm going for a short holiday to London! I'm really looking forward to seeing lots of people who I miss, and I'm surprised by how excited I am to actually be back in London for a few days! I think it's a well-deserved reward after a stressful period of time. So although it's not perfect, I feel optimistic for the near future, and I'm going to make an effort to work more on this blog again, and in fact, to generally put a bit more into my creative practices.

I went AWOL

It's been almost a month since I updated this blog. I've had to personal matters to deal with recently, and it seems that, very sadly, I'll soon be going back to London due to what's been happening. It's unexpected, and if it weren't for this I would not even be thinking about leaving Stockholm, but it's something very important to me. So this has taken up a lot of my time and energy recently, I've gone into myself a bit. My work contract finishes at the end of April - I never looked into other options at the same place because all of this came up - so it looks like I'll be shipping out at the start of May, meaning that I was here for four months. It's so sad, especially as it's now getting warmer and sunnier in Stockholm, summer is definitely on its way. I have a very short time left here, so I'm trying to appreciate it and make the best of it. As it's been a while, here are a few noteworthy things that have been going on lately.

First of all, in another unexpected turn of events, in a weeks time I will be travelling to Krakow for a week! For the final month of my contract I've been given a slightly different role at work, which mainly involves planning an event in Krakow, and as part of this I'm required to attend said event in Krakow! I'm excited but also nervous, and it does mean that, according to when I expect to leave, this is my last full weekend in Stockholm, as I will be travelling to and from Poland during two weekends. It's still a new experience, so I'm really grateful to have the chance to go.

I visited a vegetarian restaurant lately that I had walked past many times in Gamla Stan, but never been to, Hermitage Restaurang. It's a vegetarian all you can eat buffet - a lot of the food is vegan - and is wasn't bad for 120kr for dinner. There are not a huge number of choices - bread, soup, a hot dish, lasagne, rice, potatoes, and various salads - but the food was quite nice, and it's a pleasant environment. You're given free jugs of water with mint and lemon, which is a nice gesture. The restaurant is small, and I was part of a large group at a busy time, so I did get cramped. The buffet and counter area is also quite cramped, but other than that I really enjoyed it here. I think that lunch here was 10 or 20kr cheaper than dinner, and I think this would be a great place for lunch. Yet another restaurant in Stockholm that I approve of.

After the meal we went for a drink, and walked to Södermalm. We found one bar called Stora Vikingen, or in English, "The Big Viking", and decided that we really had to go there. It was all really kind of funny because the bar looked a bit old and tired, it didn't look to be that well maintained, but when we sat down they gave the menu to us in the form of an iPad! We sat down and immediate had four iPads on the table! It wasn't the most attractive looking place but the staff were pleasant, the wine we ordered was good, and we enjoyed ourselves. But it goes to show that not everything in Södermalm is cool.

On Friday night I went somewhere really cool though, also in Södermalm - Södra Teatern. I hadn't been here before, but actually had probably one of the best nights I've had in Stockholm. At first we were on the terrace, where the views are absolutely beautiful. Definitely one of the best places I've found to look at all of Stockholm. In the evenings right now it's still a bit too chilly to sit outside very late, so we went back inside to the bar, but it must be so nice to sit outside there in the summer. 

Best of all, after a while it turned out there was a ska/reggae night happening, which happens to be my favourite genre of music, and until now I hadn't found any nights with this type of music in Stockholm. I really enjoyed it here, and would love to come again.

At the moment I'm really taking each day as it comes, but I hope that I will have time in the next few weeks to appreciate being here, and make more happy memories of my time here, which is sadly being cut short.

An excellent 24 hours

Woohoo! The past 24 hours have been really good for me, but the biggest piece of news - I got the job! I start on Monday, and it's such a relief because this means that the biggest obstacle has been surpassed, and everything should get a bit easier from now on. Since going to Bazaren I've been feeling a bit more negative - there seemed to be an implication from some sides that Swedish people don't trust foreign people to do the job properly, and this worried me a bit, but now I feel so much better.
I'm sensible enough to realise that things will not automatically be easy from now on, but this does make a big difference. I now qualify for a personnummer, and can start looking for a place for us to live. I could have started that previously, but I do understand that not many people will be keen to rent to a couple who've just turned up and have no steady income. Kai is still looking, but having one decent income between us takes the pressure off a bit.The most important thing is that finding this job enables us to stay in Stockholm. After reading about so many negative experiences I did worry that eventually we'd run out of options. I would absolutely hate to have to go back to England, so I'm really relieved. I realise this is just a start for us, but hopefully it's a good sign for our future. I do feel more confident now that we'll be able to build a successful life here.

In my time job hunting I've noticed that Swedish people/companies are extremely friendly and positive in comparison to England - even rejection emails are so pleasant that you almost don't mind! I'm going to be working via a recruitment company, and the two welcome emails that they sent to me were so enthusiastic and friendly that I already feel comfortable working with them. The two staff members I've been in contact with have also both been so helpful and nice. So far this experience has been really positive, so hopefully the job will also be a good experience for me.

On a different subject, the past 24 hours have also been really good for getting involved in art related things here, which as I mentioned is a massive priority for me. We were going to a private view last night at Platform Stockholm, and at the last minute I found out that there was another private view at Färgfabriken, which is just next door. We went to Färgfabriken first, and there were a couple of different shows there. The show that the PV was for was related to the fragmentation and "development" of urban spaces, and in particular we watched a really interesting film about Beirut, and the privatisation of the sea. This was a brand new concept to me, and something that I didn't even realise was possible. I was thinking about it for a long time after we left, and it was striking to see the perspectives of people in Beirut, and the changes that they had observed.
There was also an exhibition of sculptures by Julia Bondesson, and I enjoyed these even more. Each piece seemed to have its own character, these dead pieces of wood seemed to be so expressive. The rough way that the pieces were carved gave them a really interesting appearance. Each piece was very well made - they were rough but simultaneously refined.
I also really liked the way that the exhibition was set out - each individual work was presented in a unique way. Perhaps this factor helped to bring personality to the pieces. I enjoy exhibitions that are experimental in their presentation.
Next we went to Platform Stockholm, where the show concerned the themes of the body, loss, and artificiality. There were some abstract paintings I really liked that to me suggested bodily fluids. I think this is really interesting, as I think most people would associate bodily loss with amputation. 
I really liked the space at Platform Stockholm - I could see my work in that space. I'm really keen to see more shows there and see other possibilities for how the space can work.

Today I went to Kultuhuset to see work by Katrine Helmersson, which I really enjoyed. There were a lot of abstracted images of the body and body parts - I work mainly in portraiture, recently mainly images of body parts, so this was very interesting to me. The style was totally different from my own work, but I appreciate being able to see an alternative perspective. I'm also very into texture, and this show includes a variety of materials and textures, as well as some textile pieces, which are also of particular interest to me. The information about the exhibition mentions the work alluding to themes from Kristeva and Lacan, both of whom I studied in the last year of my degree. Having some understanding of this made the show even more interesting. I was not familiar with the artist before today, but now I'd be keen to see more of her work. 
So it's been a good 24 hours for me, and my only complaint is that many galleries in Stockholm seem to stay shut for extended periods of time. Or maybe I should take that as a positive that there are still so many exhibitions and spaces yet to discover.

I'm coming back!

I am delighted to say that I will be back in Sweden this time next month! My boyfriend and I have our flights booked for 2nd January, and we've arranged a place to stay initially, again through Airbnb. I've definitely learned from past experience, and we've arranged a place to stay for 6 weeks. Hopefully this longer period of time will give us more success in finding somewhere more permanent to live. My time in England has been busy and has gone by quite quickly, and I'm so excited to go back to Sweden. The fact that this time round i won't be leaving my boyfriend behind makes a massive difference.
I'm also feeling a bit more confident, because today out of sheer boredom I looked back at some entries in Frozen In Finland. Some of the early entries I read mentioned feeling lost and confused, feeling scared, and feeling like a child because I struggled to do simple things without help. When I actually think back on my time in Finland I don't remember that - I remember being able to get along speaking Finnish, I remember being able to understand things and having confidence. This has reminded me that things weren't always like that there, and has reassured me that things can and will change for me in terms of my confidence speaking Swedish too. I also had a confidence boost after speaking to some Swedish people, in Swedish, online, and one person told me that at least my written Swedish was excellent. Mr Dictionary helped a bit, but that's ok.
My boyfriend speaks less Swedish than I do, so when we first get there I'll certainly be the more knowledgeable of the two of us, and this makes me more inclined to try, for both of our sakes. We'll learn together, and I've already concluded that I need to just try, be prepared to make a fool of myself, and keep going as much as I can, even if I feel shy or embarrassed. I can understand an awful lot, but there were occasions in September when I probably could have spoken Swedish but felt anxious that I wouldn't be clear enough or I'd make a fool of myself, so didn't even try, which I feel is totally the wrong attitude. For now, I'm more confident, and I hope that doesn't disappear the minute the plane lands. I can't wait to go!

A reflection

Tomorrow I'm going back to London for a bit. I have a plan for coming back to Stockholm, and I'm leaving at least half of my belongings here. It's definitely temporary. My original plan did not include this break, but I think it's the best way forward, as I'll be back with my boyfriend and we can plan everything together. Work is arranged for probably January onwards, and I feel that we'll have a strong start.

I don't regret coming to Stockholm now, because it has assured me that I'd definitely like to live here. It's like a quieter, more peaceful version of London, and it's beautiful here. I've seen new areas here, as well as places I've been to before, and I understand more how it feels to live here, even though everything is still really new.

I've met people and made some progress here, so that hopefully things will be easier when we come back. Things will be slightly more ready for us, and there will be more of a plan. I didn't have a particularly strong plan for coming here this time round. I planned very well what to do whilst I was still in England, and thought less about what to do once I arrived in Sweden. If my boyfriend wasn't still in England I think I would have tried harder to sort things out here, but as it is, I'd really start this again together. This was kind of like research and a trial period for me.

I know I can be happy in Stockholm, but this time I haven't been as happy as I know I could or should be, and that is because I'm here alone. I knew fairly little about Rinkeby, the area I've been staying in - I knew it wasn't a particularly good area - and I'm not particularly keen on it. The house I live in is lovely, but very few Swedish people live in this area, and moving to Sweden should obviously include integrating with Swedish people. Added to that, the house I've been living in is completely international, made up of visitors or people new to Stockholm. I don't want to criticise these people, but the situation means I've had less contact with Swedish people than I hoped for or expected. At times it's been easy to forget where I actually am. I don't intend to move back to Rinkeby next time I'm here.

I've met some new people who actually live in Stockholm, and who will be here for the foreseeable future. I feel a bit more connected in Stockholm, and this has been in only a few weeks, so I hope that they'll be more people to come when I get back here. I feel now that I could happily build a life in Stockholm.

I was surprised by how much of the Swedish language I can read and understand, However, before coming here I had no practice actually speaking Swedish. This has been my first experience of hearing and speaking Swedish since I started learning it. I now feel that I should really work on my spoken Swedish, and on understanding others when they speak to me. I'm hoping to find a Swedish person in London to practice speaking with.

Our return in December or January will be long-term. It's a bit of a shame to leave but I think our chances will be better - we know more of what to expect now. Being here with someone else is surely also more pleasant than coming here alone.

So, unless there is something particularly relevant to write, I'll be leaving this blog for a bit until roughly December or January, and I'm sure there'll be lots of unexpected stuff then.

Good things

First off, the best bit of news - it looks like I now have a job for when I get back to Stockholm in January! I had arranged this meeting through a company I worked for in London; their Swedish office is new and currently consists of one member of staff, but I met him yesterday and I was surprised by how well everything went. Sometimes you have the ideal scenario in your head, and then it actually happened! I wasn't expecting an immediate start, and that suited me just fine as I plan to leave Stockholm temporarily in just over a week, but a January start truly is perfect because my boyfriend and I are planning to get back here in December or January. Language isn't an issue, I have the relevant experience, and the office is centrally located so won't limit me in terms of finding a place to live.

I'm really happy, but trying not to overexcite myself in case of any delays or unexpected problems. I was open about going to England for a few months, and was told to just keep him informed of where I am and what my plans are for coming back to Stockholm as they unfold so that we can make arrangements. So that side of things looks very positive and is a weight off my mind, and will also quickly resolve my need for a personnummer. 

Should there be any problems in the next few months, which I really hope will not be the case, I also have a list of large, international companies with offices in Stockholm, as these are more likely to work in English. I've looked through some already, and have found that the majority do not require Swedish language skills. Whether I need it or not, this is useful for my boyfriend, who speaks less Swedish than I do.

Secondly, the luggage company are now providing me with a partial refund. Frankly I don't think the amount, less than a quarter of what I paid, is really good enough, but I just want this to be over with. I was offered a £25 discount voucher, which is worthless for me as I will never use their services again, so I suggested a refund as an alternative. The whole thing was so frustrating, and wasted so much of my time, that I'll take it if it means that's the end of the matter. I still think the service I received was disgusting, and by the end of it I had the impression that the company hadn't actually understood my reason for complaining, and their customer care manager sent me an email with a somewhat rude tone. As long as it's over with, that's all I care about.

A peaceful walk in the forest

I'm lucky enough to live only a few minutes walk from a large forest. I noticed it on Saturday evening on the way to a party in Kista, and yesterday I was feeling a bit fed up and decided to go for a long walk there. It was really beautiful, and other people were few and far between, which was definitely a positive at the time. Even though it's not far from main roads and traffic it was dense and so peaceful and quiet, and it was easy to forget that I was in the city at all.

I saw so many different types of mushrooms, and that is quite a big difference between the Nordic countries and England. Mushrooms are actually my favourite food, and I would have loved to have picked some, but unfortunately I have no clue what is and is not poisonous, so I just left everything alone. They were everywhere though, and they were beautiful to look at. I saw a deer, and as far as I remember that's the first time I've seen a deer in a natural setting like that. I also saw some information about a viking cemetery situated in the forest, and it was quite interesting to read about that.

The forest was so peaceful, and it was really nice to sit there and relax. I expect that later I will live in a different area of Stockholm, but I would happily travel to walk in this forest again. It was so green, and the sun was so bright. It wasn't even very cold, so I happily passed a couple of hours just wandering through. I really thought it was a shame that people who had been there having bonfires etc had left quite a lot of litter in places.

It's lovely to have such a beautiful area so close to where I live, and I hope to visit the forest again. It's definitely a good place to get some privacy and clear the head. The past couple of weeks have been quite stressful and emotional for me, and I think I probably really needed this time and space.

I'm even more keen to explore now, as I've decided to go back to England temporarily on 20th September. This situation is very difficult for both my boyfriend and myself, and more and more we feel that it makes more sense for me to go back for a short time until we can come back to Sweden together. I'm glad to be here, but I'm not completely happy being here on my own, and this will resolve the problem. It's not the original plan, but seems like the best way forward right now. We expect to be back here around December or January, and I think we'll both be much happier at that point. Coming to Sweden now was definitely worthwhile, else I never would have known how things would go, and I feel much more prepared for the future.