Alcohol

I've been back from London for almost a week now. It was a bit depressing that when I left England the sky was blue with no clouds, and I then landed in Västerås to some quite depressing weather. Thankfully now it seems to be back to sunny weather here.

Today is the most important day of the year - Eurovision! I'm looking forward to it, but disappointed that Finland is not in the final because I always vote for them on principle. I'm having a small party tonight, and that meant that today it was time for my very first trip to Systembolaget! Systembolaget is the Swedish alcohol retailer, very similar to Alko in Finland. Although Sweden does not have the same restrictions as Finland in terms of only being able to buy alcohol during certain hours, it is more strict in that only light beer can be sold in supermarkets, so to buy full strength beer you need to go to Systembolaget. I don't have alcohol in the house that often, and even then I don't mind having lighter beer, so it's never come up to go to Systembolaget before.

The opening hours are a bit annoying - at weekends it's between 10am and 3pm. I was only buying a few drinks, but everyone else seemed to have baskets absolutely full of drinks. As the hours are inconvenient, and maybe it's not open on Sundays, I suppose people need to stock up.

Supermarkets usually just sell a basic range of domestic beers, and I was impressed by the variety in Systembolaget, with drinks from a lot of different countries. I went for Belgian fruit beer, and English Brewdog beer.

That brings me nicely to the next alcohol related point. My colleague and I have been a couple of times this week to the Brewdog bar in Fridhemsplan. Brewdog is one of my favourite bars in London, so I was very happy when I found out there was a bar here too. It's certainly not disappointed me - I can buy my favourite beer, it looks a lot like the bar in Camden, which I didn't have a chance to go to last week, and is generally quite comfortable. It's another of those little pockets of English in Stockholm - the staff are English and Swedish, depending on who you speak to they may automatically speak in either Swedish or English, the menu etc is in English, and I had a very nice chat with one of their staff who turned out to be from Norwich. As it's already one of my favourite bars in London I think it has now automatically become one of my favourite bars in Stockholm.

And to end on a European theme because it's Eurovision day - my workplace has the flags of the member states in our auditorium, and I noticed that the flags of the UK, Finland, and Sweden were conveniently grouped together. So yesterday, at the end of a very busy week, I could be found fannying around with the flags of the three countries that are most significant for me. Enjoy!

Good/bad/beautiful day

Tomorrow I'm off to London! I'm quite excited to go home for a few days and see my friends. I had today off as well, and it was overall a nice day, but as always, not without its ups and downs.

The good news - I went to SEB and managed to open a bank account! Now that I've got into the banking system here I have to say I find it absolutely bizarre. In fact, whilst many things here are not what I'm used to, this is the first thing I've found completely impossible to understand.

First off, I was confused by the fact that the nearest branch to me in Globen was only open for 3 hours every day. Nevertheless, off I went, and when I explained that I just want to receive my wages and pay my rent the nice man at the bank asked me how I'd get the rent money into my new bank account. I said I would get it from the ATM and put it in the account so the payment could be made, which seemed fairly obvious. He then told me that only one branch in Stockholm handles cash! But it's a bank!

Anyway, the one and only branch that handles cash is in Sergels Torg, and as I had planned to go to an exhibition at Kulturhuset anyway it was no bother really to go there as well so I opened the account. Incidentally, the nice man told me that his best friend is English and he thinks it's sad how much foreign people struggle here. He told me to keep aiming for that personnummer and things will be much easier. It's nice to know that the average Swedish person agrees that things are unreasonably difficult for those who had the misfortune to be born abroad.

The other odd thing about banking in Sweden is that there is no standard system for generating account numbers. Each bank has their own system. I was wondering why my landlord's bank account number is twice as long as mine, and upon googling how the number should look I found that every bank has their own system. You might get to understand what your own bank does, but for other banks it's guesswork. I find this completely baffling. 

Then my day took a turn for the worse. I went to Sergels Torg, and knowing that the maximum amount you can withdraw from an ATM is 2000kr, I planned to use an ATM a few times to get enough for my rent, and a bit extra for when my bank card arrives. It should be here once I get back from London. Sadly it was not to be. It seems 2000kr is the maximum I can take per day, maybe partly because I'm withdrawing from an overseas account. So I never actually got to the Sergels Torg branch, and still had to pay my rent with ridiculous fees from my UK account. My war with them about the fees is ongoing, but at least now my wages will come into my Swedish account and I can save a little more. It's still frustrating, but I know I've made a small amount of progress.

I felt sorry for myself for a bit, and then went on to Kulturhuset. I have to say I really like it there, and really enjoy their exhibitions. I'm also able to see exhibitions there for free - I'm 25 years old, and those aged 25 and under go for free. I happen to look a bit younger than I really am, and every time I've told staff I'm 25 and asked to go in for free they've never asked for proof, so I'm probably going to be 25 years old for a while.

The current show is called "Asylum", and exhibits both art and fashion pieces. The theme seems fairly tentative in places, but there's a lot of interesting work there, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the mix of contemporary and older work, and there was work from less famous names, but also artists such as Salvador Dali. It's a really mixed show. The media is also very mixed - film, fashion, and sculpture. It's pretty broad so I think most people could take something from it, and for this reason I would recommend it.

After seeing the show I had some time to kill before going to the pub, so I went to the library and looked at the art section. I hadn't looked at this before, but I thought it was great. They have books in a variety of languages, there are comfortable places to sit, and they have a good range of books on art, fashion, photography, and design. I spent a while flicking through a really nice book about shoe design, it was quiet and peaceful, and I recommend it as a place to fill a bit of time.

So apart from one blip I had a pleasant day off work, and I'm looking forward to going on holiday tomorrow. It's getting late and I still need to pack my suitcase!

Thank you SEB!

It looks like my personal banking crisis may soon be over! I've just had a very welcome email from SEB's non-resident branch, and they've advised that if I am paying tax in this country and just want a basic bank account with a card and online banking I can open one at any regular SEB branch! Success! So I will be taking this email and all the evidence I have that I'm a tax payer, and opening an account on Monday. I'm very pleased, and hopefully this will save me some money.
Still no reply from my UK bank regarding their charges, but it's one less thing to worry about.

Something slightly different

So I've still not hear from either SEB or my UK bank, which is disappointing on both counts. SEB have a dedicated international branch, and as I now have Monday off work ahead of my holiday, but will be in Stockholm still, I should be able to physically go to the bank and get some advice. My bank in England advised it can take up to 5 working days for them to respond. Bearing in mind that there was a UK bank holiday this week, that gives them until Monday to respond to me. I'm travelling on Tuesday, which means they have until Wednesday morning to respond. If not, they'll find me in one of their branches on Wednesday, and they'll be looking at the business end of a very big complaint. Especially seeing as I'll have to pay my rent and be subjected to their huge charges in the meantime.

But never mind that for now. I'd like to concentrate on another new experience I've had since I came to Stockholm, and something that plays a big part in what my life is like here. My job.

Since February I've worked for the European Union. That's new, and the public sector in general is new for me. I realised yesterday that sometimes my workplace feels like a little parallel universe in the center of Stockholm. Compared to living in Finland, I have a much more international circle of friends and acquaintances here. On the one hand I'd like to meet more Swedish people and find it easier to learn about Swedish culture and traditions, but on the other I think it's lovely to meet people from so many backgrounds, and to not feel at all intimidated by people from cultures that are different to my own. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that mindset. My boyfriend is half Japanese and half German, I am English, and I am proud that our future children will never be ignorant about different cultures.

I've always said that Stockholm reminds me of London in that there is such a diverse mix of people, and when you're in public you can hear so many different languages being spoken, not just Swedish. The feeling that you can get anything or do anything in London, however obscure it may be, is one of the reasons I like it so much, and why I think of it as my home, even though I'm not originally from there. Stockholm is like a smaller, quieter version of that.

People from all over Europe, and the world, work at the same place as me. Throughout the day, even in just one room, you can hear multiple languages. We tell each other about strange things from our countries. As we are in Sweden, Sweden is better represented amongst the staff than any other nation, but overall the majority of staff are not Swedish. Many have worked at more than one EU agency, so a lot of people have moved around a lot. The way of thinking about the world seems to be a bit different. Commuting between countries, having long distance relationships, or living in a different country to your children or family is quite normal, As is a term I quite like, being a "love refugee" - someone who moved to Sweden for the sake of their Swedish partner.

We're in Sweden, so we'll take any opportunity for fika, but the components of our fika cross borders. Today for example we sat around a table filled with Turkish Delight, chocolate from Greece and Denmark, Dutch butterscotch, and German teabags amongst other things, whilst talking about house prices in the UK, Sweden, and Bulgaria. Every day I hear different accents and unfamiliar sounding names. It's not perfect - at the end of the day it's still a day job, not the thing I care about most. I don't bounce out of bed every morning super excited to go to work. But it could be so much worse, and I'm really grateful that I can meet and get to know such a diverse range of people.

I was asked today what I thought about the election. I'm not a political person at all. This was the first time that I actually had the good intentions of voting, just to count as a vote against UKIP and the Conservatives. I assumed I could vote at an embassy, like pretty much every other person I can think of who lives away from their country, but no. When I wanted to register as an overseas voter I had to choose either a postal or proxy vote. Both involved sending an application form to London. My family live far away from where I'm currently registered to vote, so I couldn't think of someone I trusted to vote by proxy for me. I don't see why I should have to pay international postage on an application form and the vote itself, when that is my right anyway, and didn't trust a postal vote not to go wrong. Surprise surprise, an English person I know living in Finland had problems with her postal vote, so my suspicions were correct. I haven't ruled out that it was intentionally made difficult for overseas voters, and in the end it was too much hassle for me. We'll find out tomorrow, but I hope that the people who were able to vote have done the right thing, and not voted for certain parties are racist or intolerant. I know it's a complicated issue, and I know that not everyone has good intentions, but my recent experiences have confirmed in my mind even more that integration between cultures is something enriching, that we should be thankful for.

Successful Valborg weekend

I've really enjoyed the bank holiday weekend. Even though I had Friday off work it doesn't stop me being a bit jealous of everyone in England having tomorrow off whilst I have to go back to work. I've mentioned previously how I struggle to balance everything in my life, and I think it's especially difficult in a new country when there's much more to take in. I'm really happy that this weekend I've been able to get lots of creative stuff done. It really frustrates me when I can't get on with the work I need to do. Exhibiting is less of a priority for me right now, I'm more concerned with actually producing work, so I'm really happy that there's been plenty of time for that this weekend.
On Friday I finally finished a piece of work that I've been doing for a while, and it was so satisfying to get it done. Then today I attended a meeting of a drawing group where we played some drawing games and worked on our own pieces. It wasn't quite what I was expecting - people who had an art education and who worked at this professionally were in the minority - but it was enjoyable.

The image shows a game I particularly enjoyed where everyone wrote a word in their language - except I had to go for Finnish as the other three languages I speak were all spoken within the group - we then chose a piece of paper at random and worked from that. I was quite lucky as I chose a Swedish word that I'm not familiar with - skorstensrök - so I also learned a new Swedish word today. It actually means chimney smoke, but the sound of it made me think of scars and rocks, so I drew something intended to look like a jagged and and scarred rock or cliff. By coincidence it also turned out to look quite smoky. It was a pleasant way to spend an afternoon, and I have a similar event coming up in a few weeks with a slightly different target audience, so I'm looking forward to that.

Aside from these activities this weekend has been pleasant. I went out with my friends on Friday night and had some well deserved drinks after the stress I've had this week. It also became quite clear that spring has arrived in Stockholm - I woke up at 5am this morning to find that it was daylight, but somehow I doubt this'll make it any easier to get up for work in the mornings. And lastly, this evening I was chatting to my landlord, who is currently living in Spain, and I mentioned to him the huge fees I get charged by my bank when I pay my rent to him. He was shocked, and told me that for transfers between EU countries it is not allowed to charge more than you'd be charged for transfers within one country. He told me that he doesn't get charged for transferring between his Swedish and Spanish bank accounts. I understand that a small part of the fees I pay are for currency conversion, but this really is a small part of the fee, and I have certainly never paid fees to transfer money to different banks within the UK. I googled this, and found the EU website, which says exactly the same as he did. He suggested I take this up with my bank and I certainly intend to, even if I have to do it in person when I'm on holiday. I'm not going to assume that the bank will do anything about this, but it's certainly worth looking into further.

I don't want to spoil my good mood with worrying, so to end on a happy note, here's a picture of me and my lovely international family on Friday night. The family that dances around like drunken morons together stays together.

Valborg and a glimmer of hope

With the banking situation there is a small glimmer of hope. I looked at ICA Banken, which predictably did not offer an account without providing a personnummer, However, I came across a page (in English even!) on the SEB website about private non-resident bank accounts. There was an email address for enquiries, so I contacted them to see if they can offer something in my circumstances. They have a dedicated branch in Stockholm for non-resident accounts, and although the information on their website is quite limited I really hope it'll be a suitable option for me. It takes a couple of days to get a response, and today is a bank holiday, so hopefully I'll get a reply next week. I knew nothing about SEB and had never considered them, but my housemate told me they have a pretty good reputation.

If they cannot do anything for me then I suppose unfortunately I'll just have to accept these stupid charges from my bank in England, but that's not something I'll be doing happily, and will really be a big factor counting against me living in Sweden. It's really not unusual anymore for people to move between different countries and have interests away from their home countries, so I really don't know why the authorities can't collectively make it easier for people. As much as some people might not like it, immigration and globalisation is a thing.

The last couple of days have not been very nice, and I really can't promise right now how long I will stay in these circumstances. I'm feeling quite depressed. It's just over a week now until my holiday to London, and I think whilst I'm there I'll be seeing how it feels to be back and having a little think about the future.

   

On a slightly more pleasant note, today is May Day, and last night my housemates and I went to see the Valborg bonfire near to our house. This is also a holiday in Finland, but I missed it because I went on holiday to Norway at the time. In Sweden bonfires are traditionally lit to keep away bad spirits, and now it's officially spring. Although the sky looks suspiciously grey outside. The bonfire wasn't the most exciting thing in the world - it was basically that and some food stands in a field, but my housemates said it's more for the children and that the suburban ones like this aren't that big a deal. Still, I enjoyed being able to experience something from Swedish culture. I feel I'm a bit more detached from Swedish culture than I was from Finnish culture in Finland, mainly because my friends here are quite mixed, not just Swedish, and so there's less of an influence on me. It's kind of a shame, as I do want to learn and understand more here, so I'm glad I had the chance to see it, even if it wasn't the greatest spectacle.
Now it's a day off from work, which is something I certainly can appreciate, and I'm looking forward to going out tonight. I've definitely earned a few (many) drinks this week.

If Sweden was my boyfriend

Krakow was an experience. Mainly I was working, so there wasn't much of a chance to really explore, but being in a country that is completely alien to me made me realise that Sweden is becoming quite comfortable for me now. Every day I'm surrounded by a foreign language, but it's one that I understand, and it felt strange to see a foreign language everywhere that I couldn't even begin to understand. Obviously it's been a learning process to understand this country, and I'm quite sure I've only reached the tip of the iceberg, but this was the point that I realised how much things here have started to make sense to me, and become the "normal" way for me. But now onto an aspect of living here that I really cannot make sense of, and that really is making me question more and more why I'm here.

I don't actually have a bank account in Sweden. In January I was waiting to get a job and get established here, in February I was waiting for a personnummer, in March I had some personal matters to deal with that were more of a priority, and for much of this month I believed I would be leaving soon, thus making it a waste of time to go and open an account. Having decided that I will stay longer, today after work I finally made the effort to go to Handelsbanken. I chose Handelsbanken specifically because numerous sources, including the bank themselves, state that they offer a non-resident bank account. I'm not sure how that's different to any other bank account, but due to not being able to get a personnummer it's really the only option for getting an account in this country in my current circumstances.

So in I go, armed with ID, copies of payslips, my work contract etc, and immediately I'm shut down and told that they don't offer that service. I asked why their own website, plus numerous other sources, claims that they do if they don't. The gentleman at the bank didn't have an answer for that. He told me there have to be exceptional circumstances, or they have to have an existing agreement with my employer, which of course they don't. I suggested they get someone to have a look at the information they're giving out. He suggested I try ICA Banken. I walked outside and burst into tears.

You may ask why having a bank account in Sweden is such a big deal, let alone something to bring me to tears in the middle of the street, especially when my employer has been happily paying my wages into my UK account all this time. I'm losing money just by being here. Every financial transaction I make comes with a fee. My bank casually takes £6 from my wages every month for accepting foreign money, which is a tiny percentage of the wages, but obviously it adds up over time. Worst of all is that when I pay rent to my landlord, who obviously does have a Swedish bank account, my bank charges me an extra £30, which is a significant addition to the rent.

But this is just one part of a bigger problem. Sweden has no respect for me. Sweden is happy to take from me but gives me nothing back. Sweden makes me feel like I'm not a real person. Every time I think things are going well Sweden takes my hope away. Sweden isn't satisfied no matter what I do. I have a sneaking suspicion that Sweden probably doesn't want me around at all. If Sweden was my boyfriend everyone I knew would be telling me to leave.

I am not, and never have been, an idle person. Coming to this country, my intention was always to find a job, contribute, and basically do all the things that any normal, productive member of society does, the same things I have done throughout my adult life. I worked hard to find a job, and a month to the day since I arrived in this country I was starting a new job. I believe that some of this was down to being in the right place at the right time, but I worked hard to find a job, and other people have been uniformly impressed with the speed in which I started working here, and then found a stable place to live. I like my house and my job, and on the surface I probably appear to be very settled. 

Having a personnummer is the key to everything here. Having found a job, everything I knew suggested that I could then get a personnummer, and then get all the other things like a bank account set up. We know how that turned out, and it became clear in my dealings with Skatteverket that the information you get really depends on who you speak to and what the weather is like that day. Not wanting to recognise me as a resident of this country certainly doesn't mean the government is going to let me keep my money, of course not. I'm not entitled to even join a gym here, but I still get a third of my money taken away in taxes, to pay for the royal wedding amongst other things. I'm very much entitled to pay taxes to Sweden, but that's about the only thing I'm entitled to. Every time there seems to be some way to make my life easier, for example opening a non-resident bank account, the door gets slammed in my face once again, and I'm sick of it. 

I can't help but compare this experience to when I lived in Finland. It's now been about four months, and at this point when I was in Finland I had both a bank account and a social security number, and I gained those things through having a one month part time work contract. Now I've been working full time for three months, and I'm entitled to bugger all. When talking about these problems to Swedish people, I've mentioned how in Finland my employer could only pay into a Finnish account. There was a delay at Maistraati in providing me with a social security number, but they'd confirmed I was entitled to one and would receive one, so my friend took me to the bank and we explained the circumstances. It was no trouble at all, they opened an account for me with a generic number, and told me to come back and let them know my real social security number once I had it. I never actually remembered to go back and tell them. Swedish people laugh their heads off at the idea of such a thing happening in a Swedish bank. And to prove the point, the very first question I was asked today, even after specifying that I'd like a non-resident account, was "Can I see your personnummer?" 

I haven't been to Finland in a while, so I can't say for sure how the situation is these days, but from what I know immigration levels are much lower there than in Sweden. When I lived there everyone I knew, except for one person, was Finnish. I was the novelty act because I was foreign. Attitudes to immigrants, even white European ones like me, were not always tolerant. At the time I felt like the authorities might be deliberately making things difficult. Now the way Finland treated me seems like a dream. If I had had the job I have now in Finland I wouldn't have had a care in the world.

I'm sick of basic things being huge struggles. I'm sick of feeling like nobody cares, nobody wants to help, like whatever direction I go in it still leads to nothing. I'm sick of losing money through necessary transactions like getting paid and paying my rent. I've done everything right, and I've not asked for anything except to be treated like everyone else. And it just makes me think more and more, why am I actually bothering? I could move back to London and get treated like a real human being. There are issues in my personal life that make living in England again a good option, and the way I'm treated by the authorities here does nothing to discourage me. I spend more and more time feeling frustrated and unhappy, and I can't help but feel that I deserve better than this.

I don't give up easily. Anyone who knows me will say that when I decide I'm going to do something it will get done, one way or another. I put in so much work, and effort, and resources to come here. I really, really wanted to come here. But I'm starting to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I keep wondering what would be good enough for Sweden. I keep wondering what Sweden actually wants me to do. I hate to say it, but if Sweden wants me to leave then unfortunately Sweden is winning. It's wearing me down, and I don't know if I can keep putting up with this.

On the surface things are good. I have a decent job, a nice place to live, a social life, I can speak Swedish - you'd be forgiven for thinking I've really got my shit together here. In some ways I have. But then this kind of problem comes up yet again and reminds me that my life here is very superficial. I really wanted to come here, but I'm starting to get sick of jumping through every hoop and it still not being good enough. You only have to look online at pretty much any expat forum or website to see that I'm not the only one.

I can remember the exact moment in Finland, after being there for just under two months, when I knew I wanted it to be my home, and I knew that I would do whatever it took to stay. I loved it so much, and I did put up with a lot in order to stay. I love Stockholm, and I like my day to day life in Stockholm, but even after double the amount of time I don't feel that burning love that I had in Turku. I am not eager to leave, but there's only so much I'm willing to put up with in order to stay. And I'm not sure for how long I'm willing to be only half a person.